MelodyFreebird

Tell Me Something....

TELL ME SOMETHING...that is what this art piece is called....I found it here  when I was looking at "mantras".....I love when people know so deeply who they are that they can make bold statements like this one.......I am working on a mantra of my own....but I have to say...this one deeply deeply deeply resonates with me........what is YOUR mantra?

 

xoxo

Melody

p.s. Did you know that I am guest artist this ENTIRE WEEK at Crescendoh.com?

I hope you will check it out and leave me a little note...I would love to hear the words that flutter from your extraordinary mind.............go here and scroll down til you see my picture....then please please please leave me a little note....I love words....xoxo

Today I am thinking.....

-Today I am thinking....deeply thinking. I have found myself here, in this deep-gut thinking place where I must make some important decisions that lack any easy answers.

-Today I am thinking about how happiness and optimism is a chosen lifestyle for me....and however or wherever I learned that way of living...I am thankful to my teachers.

-Today I am thinking about how NO ONE could EVER convince me that dreams can't come true.....if you believe enough....if you stand in the wind.....if you just stay on your OWN path.....NO ONE can ever tell me that this is not true for EVERYONE alive.

-Today I am thinking about how simple and good things have made their way back into my life again, and how I trust those things, and they trust me too. I am thinking that I will do anything to protect my relationship with all things simple and good.

-I am also thinking about how stark in contrast those simple and good things feel to things that are also making alarms go off in my soul...making my gut ache....making me feel restless and uncomfortable. I am thinking about how much I need to trust those feelings too.

-I am thinking today about the past, but only in gratitude. That feels new and good.

-I am thinking about how my mind is finally feeling normal again in that I have nonsense and random thoughts flowing through it all throughout the day....rather than having it consumed and overloaded with worry until there is no room for anything else.

-I am thinking and thinking and thinking about how it feels WHOLLY good to have the courage to walk away from things, situations and people who do not feel right....even though it's really scary sometimes to do so. This is a skill that I painstakingly earned and I choose to own it fully.

-Today I am thinking that thunderstorms produce the most spectucular sunsets that I have ever seen, at least in Idaho they do.

-I am also thinking about how I probably eat entirely too much peanut butter on my apple slices.

-Today I am thinking about how this life that finally feels like it fits was and IS worth every tear-stained sacrifice that it took to get here.

-I am thinking about what I can do to make sure that I never, ever forget the dark places that I had to travel through....so that I will always recognize that journey in others and show them the way out in any way that I can. So that I will always recognize those places enough to never allow myself to get sucked back into them again.

-Today I am thinking about how good love feels. All of it...the giving of love...the accepting of love....all of it. 

-Today I am thinking that my husband is my truest friend. 

-I am thinking about how there are incredibly good people in the world....good and pure hearts....pure intentions......and I am also thinking about how there are others who have other kinds of intentions, too.

- I am thinking about how hard it has been for me to write....even within the authentic and almost constant joy that I have felt this year....for months and months and months it has been hard to find words, and how it is finally starting to trickle in a bit......and I can feel the full-speed flow building momentum every day....and I am thankful.

- I am thinking today about how a cardboard box full of yellow flowers that my daughter and I planted along the sides of our curved sidewalk on the way to the front door of our rental house makes me feel absolute bliss and peace.

-I am thinking about how hard the wind blows every time the weather is changing. Last night it blew so hard that it woke me up. Today it started up again...with a lot of rain thrown in....a dramatic shift in the weather since last week. I am thinking about how similar it is to life....and life's transitions.

-Today I am thinking about how thankful I am for the community of artist friends I have made this year...and how I don't feel like I am such a freak anymore.....or not a freak by myself, anyway :)

-I am thinking about how much my body is changing...I am wondering when I got this old.....and I am thinking about how I am starting to really look older in spite of my efforts to do otherwise. I am trying to figure out how I feel about this.

-Today I am thinking about the same handful of friends that have always been beside me, rain or shine...family too.

- I am thinking about how I know for sure that everything is going to work out beautifully, no matter how it works out......and that everything is good for it's own reason.

-Today I am thinking that I want to write a letter to my 30 year old self, yes...going back in the past to 10 years ago.....telling her what the next 10 years will require of her, but also that she will be up the challenge....that she will make it. I want to tell her that it will be worth it when she makes it to 39 and life feels like life is only just beginning.....and not one bit of it is over.....even though she thought for sure her best years may have already been lived. I want to tell her how proud I am of her. I want to tell her that she will know joy at the end of this journey of a variety that she does not even know exists yet. I want to tell her to just trust the process...trust herself.

-I am thinking about something miraculous that happened on my last 4-day business trip...so miraculous that I documented it with my laptop camera.....you see, I packed EVERYTHING I needed into 2 small bags, small enough to carry-on....I PACKED LIGHT. I have never done that before. I am thinking about how I want to do this for the rest of my life....pack light...leave the old baggage behind.....only take what is most necessary......let the weight of all of it go and just enjoy the trip.....

 

Today I am thinking about how much I love my life. I love every bit of it.

xoxo

melody

I am speaking at Jenny Doh's event! Crescendoh launch party!

I <3 CRESCENDOh.com

I love CRESCENDOh.com soooooo much....SO MUCH!

It is the first website I visit every day. I am endlessly inspired! Do you know about it? Crescendoh is a place for artists...about artists...about art...for people who love art...for people who need art...for people who understand art....well, ok...Crescendoh is for everyone.

Launched by one of my "I wanna be just like her when I grow up" friends & mentors....Jenny Doh......of Somerset Studio, Stampington & CO. fame.......CRESCENDOh is one of my joys in life.....for reals.

So....imagine my excitement that I not only get to GO to the launch party in Los Angeles next month....but that I will be SPEAKING at it!!! Telling my story....read the blog post here 

 

It is going to be one of the highlights of my career...I just know it. Everything Jenny Doh does is fabulous, meaningful and memorable.

I am SO incredibly honored.

register HERE if you want to go! RSVPs must be in by May 10th!

woohooo!

xoxo

melody

What love looks like.....

I may have written about this before......maybe not......either way, I'm writing about it again because it is still happening after 20 years and I sometimes take it for granted and don't even notice.

Today I did. I have been noticing a lot of things lately....and I guess that's the way you see what love looks like...is just to start NOTICING it. My husband is kind and good and sweet and tender....he does things like this that make my heart melt when I take time to notice. 

This weekend I got in the truck......he was waiting for me patiently....dressed. Whenever we dress up he does this........he waits to see what I am wearing...and then, without saying a word.....he goes and finds a tie that matches whatever I am wearing.....

We were halfway to where we were going before I noticed. I looked over at him....at the smiley little wrinkles on the sides of his eyes. At the way he already has a tan when it's only been sunny here for a week...and then I looked down and saw the stripe in his tie that matched perfectly to my dress. He noticed that I noticed. I smiled.......he said "Of course it matches with your dress........look at the brown stripe, it goes perfectly with your boots...."

.....and that's what love looks like from here.

xox

melody

 
 

Brave Girl Camp, it really IS this life-changing......

 We were having a meeting last week about our upcoming May Brave Girl Camp retreat.....getting so excited, and talking about how hard it is to put the experience into words....or to even want to try. Can I tell you again how much I love having my big sister as a partner in this dream? She is too phenomenal to try to explain in words....but she has everything I lack. She lets nothing slip between the cracks....she puts up with my wild ideas and my wild mind and my random thoughts and my trouble with focusing.....none of this would ever happen without her and my nieces.....this is a HUGE production and everyone has their whole heart and soul into it. We have so much fun....but we are all PASSIONATE about making each camp INCREDIBLE. Something this wonderful could never happen without this much passion for the end goal of changing lives in positive ways in 5 magical days.

We have done this 3 times now, getting ready for our 4th...with 2 more retreats after that, already ALMOST sold out.....BUT STILL...there is this feeling...something I can only begin to describe as a sacredness...that surrounds the whole experience....and it takes a while to let it settle in before you can really even think to talk about it.....

to try to put it into words....

But I will try...I must....I never want to forget a single detail of ANY of the camps...just like our camp last October....I love each of these women so much. I will never forget them...they will always be a part of my life...til the day I die.

Now that we are just a month away from our May camp......I think it's time that I try to document the experience that we had with the incredible women of our February camp......where women came from all over the United States......women there who I admire, who I adore....who I Iearned so much from, and who were so open to what I wanted to teach them, too........

 

  

Now that we have held 3 retreats.......2 "official" ones, and have 3 more nearly sold-out this year......I feel and trust the reality of stepping into the life that I have been preparing for...well, pretty much my whole life. This doesn't feel like just a dream anymore.....it is crazy wonderful to be standing in the middle of so many dreams come true...and living it, breathing it........sharing it and meeting it head-on....with women even more incredible than I dreamed they could ever be.(both the women who make this happen and the women who find their way here as participants)  Next month...we have women flying from many other places in the WORLD, not just the country...........so....the dream of creating a worldwide community of women to support and lift each other up through life's journeys is real and happening...and EVERYONE is invited....soon we will be bringing the BRAVE GIRL CLUB mission to the web in a fabulous and powerful way so we can include everyone who wants to be a part of it..........(one thing at a time!)

 

It still leaves me in awe thinking that just about a year ago........I was in a career position that would never have allowed me to do what I am doing now...just too demanding...just not the right thing......and I kept dreaming the dream with my sister.......surrounding myself with others who had the same dream...or parts of it....and here I am sitting here doing this..........and how it feels even so much better than I ever could have dreamed up....I love how life is like that.....(and how the path to now had some really rough spots....steep hills...muddy bogs....thorny paths.....but that I had to get through that to get to HERE...there was really no other way)

anyway....

Brave Girl Camp is awe-inspiring. It is life-changing...and WHAT IS IT that is so life-changing? It really is not one thing..it is not one person or one strategy......it is a combination of really amazing women on staff who are there to give a bunch of other amazing women who show up from all over the place in all sorts of curcumstances the most incredible experience of their lives. It is those women who show up giving the staff the most amazing experiences too........It is creative safety...it is raw authenticity....it is unabashed beauty and truth.......it is life's deliciousness....it is absolute willingness to learn and also to share......it is listening...really really listening....it is forging friendships that can never be unbound......it is seeking...and finding.......it is unwrapping, peeling back layers of unnecessary muck and hurdles that keep us from moving forward....it is laughter, it is music...it is dancing........it is color, alive color........on paintbrushes, in personal stories and growing underneath new little buds of possibility.........

it is goodness....in every imaginable form.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Isn't my sister beautiful???? She is truly the most phenomenal woman........ever.


This time.....some unique highlights are a very wonderful keynote talk by one of my most respected peers...and also now a true friend, Jenny Doh

 

What I loved most about Jenny's talk....her story.......her total authentic sharing of all that she is......was that she wore these adorable bear ears during her keynote!!! I love that....THEN, she played the guitar and sang to us....with all that Jenny is known for...would you believe that she is also an incredible singer?

We also had a night of INCREDIBLE live music...........where my niece brought her full sized harp and sang the most surreal incredible funky beautiful tunes to us while she played like the artsy bohemian angel that she is......none of us will ever forget it. I even got to sing a number with her and my 3 sisters....dreamy, I tell ya....dreamy.

I had several very close friends there this time, it just worked out that way....and it was so meaningful to have them there.....yet...EVERYONE is a very close friend by the end of the week....it's just the magic of Brave Girl Camp that bonds you like sisters for life........you've got each other's back......you are rooting for each other.....looking out for each other...staying in touch....there at the drop of a hat to do whatever needs to be done to help a sister out. It is incredible to me that this bond has lasted for the women for each camp.........I have made the dearest friends of my life...and so many friends have found each other when they would not have otherwise..........we gotta find each other, us crazy artsy women who want to change the world....

This may be the most photos I have ever posted at once...but I am gonna post them all........they are just too wonderful.

This fabulous girl danced and painted and found her soul.........it was an incredible thing to witness...one that none of us will ever forget......

Every day we laughed, we created and we enjoyed the beautiful outdoors to clear our minds for all of the brave and fabulous dreams that would soon make our minds their home....

 

We also had to walk a lot to make room for the most incredible meals that were waiting for us.....every few hours....whew......no words to describe the food!!!

 

 

 

Yep......lots and lots of yummy food....lots and lots of beautiful outdoorsiness.......but the BEST THING OF ALL....lots and lots of discoveries.....lots and lots of new goals made....lots and lots of bravery discovered....lots of courage uncovered...lots of forgiveness....lots of moving forward.....lots of support....and THE MOST INCREDIBLE FRIENDSHIPS formed and held onto....

 

 

AND WE MADE ART....

AND WE MADE ART...

AND WE MADE ART....

then we made some more art............and that's what helped us to remember and commit to what we were learning about ourselves...and to take it home to keep working on it...

 

 

And we also made time to relax......and we talked...a LOT......and we listened to fabulous music and some even CREATED fabulous music...........

And we saw lots of different sides of each other...like the "mama bear" side! :)

It was just an experience that's so hard to explain...but that I wish EVERYONE that I love could be a part of...because it is truly transformative........ahhh...even more...it is RESTORATIVE....because who we are and what we are and our deepest joy just needs to be uncovered.....we need to be RESTORED to who we really are when life beats us up or jades us or gets us pointed in entirely the wrong direction.....Brave Girl Camp is a great place to get there........you just gotta come...whatever it takes...get here.......

really.

it really IS this phenomenal.

and these women...WOW....they are phenomenal beyond words.......

I love them all so much...I miss them..........wish we could do this every weekend!

Sooo....if you want to know more.......go to www.bravegirlsclub.com and read the testimonials...read all about it...sign up if there's still a spot...or make plans to go next year.....I would LOVE to spend the week with you....but even more than that...I would LOVE for you to have this incredible, life-changing, super-fun and fabulous experience......

xoxoxo

melody

Some stuff I've been making lately.....

I'm on a long layover on my way to St. Louis.....thought I'd post a few photos of things I have been creating lately....because I love to make stuff, you know.

I was reminded of some things that my heart already knew when I took LK Ludwig's class a few weeks ago. She so generously let us thumb through her personal journals, while encouraging and teaching us to make our own....each journal page a work of art....with photos that she took that evoked and moved something inside of her....some included words, some did not. I told her that I had been having a hard time writing this year.....and she gently reminded me that images are as powerful as words........I have started taking photos again and I really do love it. I am so grateful for her inspiration in using my photos and my words together to tell my story...my stories......my longings.....my memories......she is a phenomenal teacher and I would encourage you to enroll in her online classes......as soon as things settle down for me...I am going to settle into them...I just know that they will enrich my life tremendously....

Anyway.....here are things I have been making.........feels good to be making again....

This is the Santos sculpture that I made in Stephanie Lee's class at ArtFest. I got home and realized I had only taken ONE photo of it. Stephanie had to ship it to me because it is so large...so when I get it home, I will surely take more photos....and tell you all about it. You can see that it is a crowned bird protectively holding a house.............

I also took a palette knife painting class from Stephanie and LOVED IT. I wish the class would have been several days long......as I need much more practice and would love to have tried more of the techniques we learned...but I did finish 5 small paintings......this one I did for my husband..and gave it to him for his birthday...signifying the rest of our years we have to grow old together.....no matter where we are....

I have also been playing around with little books......one of my favorites...making each page a little work of art....and working on the covers too. I designed this little denim book a few years back in one of my Chatterbox lines, and I have always wanted to try embroidering on it.....this book will be one of my "WHAT IF" journals.....where I ask myself several questions starting with WHAT IF? I will show it to you when it's further along in the process....but here's the beginning of the cover...

 

I did some projects as a guest artist for Polkadot Whimsey this week and decided to artsy-up one of my visual journals that I have been working in for a few years.......but have done nothing with the cover....I MOD PODGED some cutout images from some of my papers and some wonderful papers from the Polkadot Whimsey kit and I love the results...I also pounded in the words with my ChipArt tools....

I also did a few scrapbook pages for them....about my daughters...and wanted to show you the name plates that I made out of the CHipArt chipboard, tooled with the tools and painted...

These tools are so fun! I am headed to Archiver's in St. Louis to demo them all weekend...looking forward to some creative play....a town I have never been to!

I ALSO have been trying lots of new recipes...and have learned that I really enjoy cooking fresh foods....I have never enjoyed baking...but I do love working with all of the colors and textures of fruits and vegetables......I love foreign foods and I was recently introduced to a delicious Vietnamese soup called Pho...I have been totally craving it so I looked up a recipe and took a shot at it........it actually turned out really great...with help from my daughters...

 

I also have made some pretty darn cute kids...who also love to MAKE STUFF

 

Most of all...just MAKING THE MOST out of life....loving where we are today, in this very day...in this moment...making it beautiful and trying to just breathe it in instead of wishing it were something different and somewhere different and somehow different...and THIS has made all the difference in the world.

I love that I have a husband who supports all of my interests...and what I want to do and be.......and that we have common goals together, and enjoy our time together, but also enjoy many things separately too. He has been spending lots of time with the kids, letting me have fun little adventures.......and then....he has his adventures too.....one of the biggest secrets for a happy marriage....adventure together and adventure apart...then always coming back home to share the fruits of our adventures.....

I caught this shot of him packing the boys to go off on a winter campout......where he taught them some winter survival skills and other manly stuff........while I stayed home and made stuff. :)

Life is good.

I am thankful for some alone time in my hotel room....where I will finally be able to sit deeply with my memories from Brave Girl Camp in February....and finally blog about what an extraordinary time it was.....

ENJOY this Spring weekend! Hope you can squeeze in some essential, beautiful creative time!

xoxo

melody

Come hang out with me this weekend!!!

A List of Things That I Love

Apples with peanut butter

The way my husband finds me, no matter where I am, to kiss me goodbye whenever he goes ANYWHERE, whether he will be gone 5 minutes or all day long

The huge red rug in my living room

Turquoise paint

Funky scarves

New socks

Moving stuff around in the house to make it look like new stuff - new atmosphere

The sound of an old friend's voice when they leave a random message on my phone

Forgiveness

Watching my children grow into incredible people....every one different from the other

Reaching this age....or this time in my life....when I feel this new sense of contentment, and lack of care about what others might think...about me, about my decisions, about my life...just contentment

Little House on the Prairie reruns

Crushed Ice

Cowboy boots

The way the sun at certain times of the day makes flower petals translucent, like beautiful little lamps

Green things growing up through dead things of winter

My mother's homemade soup

My homemade soup

The American flag waving in the breeze on our front porch, the one that my husband brings inside every night to show honor...I love that, too

Paint on my hands

The laughter that fills my house when people visit

The mountains out my window

My wedding ring

Pandora.com

Being in my bare feet

Freedom. 

ArtFest = Fabulousness

 
 

Art retreats rock.....they just do...I am determined to attend as many as I can in my lifetime and this one was very very wonderful, one I plan on attending every year for as long as I can! This time it was a gift from someone who knew how much I would love it...and I am SO THANKFUL for that gift...the gift of ArtFest...a gift that keeps on giving!

I got home a few days ago from this totally dreamy week-ish on the ocean in Port Townsend, Washington. ArtFest is the brainchild of artist, Teesha Moore  and her husband, Tracey. It's held at THE COOLEST place, an old military base on the water...from World War II.....and when you get 550ish artists together in such a funky artsy place, it's just full-on magic. 

 

I knew I fit in when I sat with Michelle Allen, who I had just met the day before, but who I instantly connected with...at lunch....and her hands were covered in all sorts of colors of paint from her Jesse Reno class...........and she just ate her cookie anyway!!!! I am the crazy mother who shows up to school functions with paint all over my hands because I don't have time to wash it off...and many a meal have I eaten the same way (besides.....we artists are reluctant to scrub all of that happiness off and wash it down the drain) 

I met my pal, Barb, at the Seattle airport....with a few other people...including Minnie Helvey , who I had met last year at another art retreat....but didn't know very well til this trip....and her best friend Yvonne...and let me tell you...match made in heaven for all of us...those ladies were angels on earth.....I learned so much...felt so loved, connected so deeply and left feeling alive, happy and inspired........I loved every minute of being with them all.....we laughed and laughed and laughed............and made art. 

 

I had the wonderful opportunity to stay in a house there with my friend and also my very favorite artist, for reals, Stephanie Lee....I also took BOTH of her classes...because she is SO PHENOMENAL...seriously, so gifted at so many artistic things.....and I learned SO MUCH...so so soooo much. I painted paintings that I love, and I learned how to make sculptures with plaster....and I just got totally lost in the artsy zone when time does not exist.............I also got to help her set up at vendor night....where the most incredible artists sell their original works..........

 

I just LOVE Stephanie...everything about her....she teaches online classes too, which I have taken....and highly recommend....

In addition to Stephanie's classes.......and the great talks we had in between all of her busy-ness (she had nonstop stuff going on!)...and the wonderful other artists that I got to meet who were staying in our house...Bee Shay, Alex Shur and a visit from Katie Kendrick......I also had the opportunity to meet Misty Mawn.......and these women are all incredible artists who I admire tremendously and can't wait to learn more from.........

AND my 3rd class........was taught by an incredible artist, woman and friend who touched me so much when I met her last year...she is SO soulful, so beautiful, so full of light and goodness and wisdom. I couldn't wait to take her class and I love that I can call her a friend. Her class did not disappoint......this is LK Ludwig....she has online classes too and I can't wait to enroll in them and learn even more from her. I admire her so very much. She brought me to tears in her class when she told her story of why she does what she does..........what a phenomenal woman!

  

I started doing art journals a few years ago.....I love to journal...but combining art with journaling has opened all new gateways to the soul for me.......LK adds photos in too...and I don't know why I never thought of doing that before, but it was very meaningful for me....I am going to continue this practice....I love it...I learned so many great techniques and had a blast making a TON of pages that day...

It was a feast of inspirational sights, sounds and views for me......it was renewing and restful. I needed rest SO MUCH, and I slept SO MUCH....I hid out in my room and enjoyed the solitude and the view of the ocean out and the beautiful views out my windows.......it gave me lots of time to regroup and think...and feel....to feel gratitude and wholeness and a fresh perspective...about where I have been, where I am going....and especially where I am now. Artists are a very special kind of people....open hearts, wide open minds and open listeners....it is so healing and renewing to spend time with other artists. And...guess what...we are ALL ARTISTS...we were ALL born to create in our lives.....so this was a celebration of the creative side of humanity...which ALL of us have.....embrace your inner artist!!!

   

I got to finally meet in person a few Facebook friends...which I always love because they are always even more wonderful in person......I love Kecia Deveney....we met at CHA and I knew from her funkiness that I would love to get to know here....then we became Facebook friends...then we finally got to hang out a bit....she is awesome. I am mad that I never got to get a photo with Jen Osborn....because we have been waiting for MONTHS to be able to finally meet in person...and we hung out A LOT.....but we never took a photo!! TAKE PHOTOS PEOPLE!!!

Something I completely loved was the OLD-ness of this place....World War II-esque......oldness that you could never recreate because of the chipping paint...the patina.....the way they used to build and do things that they just DON'T anymore. I loved the people....oh...how I loved the people...and the whole event was just incredibly well-organized and run.........so total KUDOS to Teesha and her hubby. I am so impressed and can't wait to go back. 

I leave you with some of my favorite shots from the week............in the famous words of my friend, Jenny Doh, ART SAVES!

 

 

      

LONG LIVE ART, ART RETREATS, ARTISTS & MAKING STUFF!!!!

xoxo

melody
   
   

Home....I'm ready to talk about it.....

 

When I'm really mad....or upset......or surprised.....I have gotten into the habit of faux-swearing.....I love our language so much....but, I am really trying to cut out swearing, a bad habit....still, sometimes, I faux-swear by saying..."WHAT THE H???" And seriously, there's been a whole lotta "What the H's" going on the last month or so....but, as will everything...we move forward......no matter what......so I cried a whole lotta tears....I let myself spend a few very devastated days sobbing in bed....then, I decided to just move forward.....as joyfully as possible. Because, I am a yellow, and I love fun........

Don't you love it when you find dorky self-portraits?

  

Ok so back to my dang friggin' day of huge disappointment *&#^*#&^@*%#@ (does that count as swearing?)

 

You see....a month or so ago, I was getting ready to make a fabulous post, an announcement of sorts, of something that I thought was going to happen.....regarding home.

......I came home from CHA to a sign on the door of our rental home...letting us know that the owner had not been paying the mortgage and that we had a short time to get out and find somewhere else to live....because the home was going back to the bank to be auctioned...

When you see a view like this...it can't be good...

 

BUT!!!..... the MOST INCREDIBLE thing was in the works....something I was not expecting when the possibility showed up last Fall...something that was a solution to all of it.....and also the most beautiful turn of events...it felt like it, anyway.

I was ready to blog all about it...because it was JUST about to happen....and I wanted to go on and on and on about all that I had learned about HOME while we hadn't had a real one, how it is wherever you make it......but ending with the announcement that our family is moving back to our beloved farm....because...it almost happened. 

I don't want to go into the details....but it involved someone very wonderful who did everything they could....it was in the works for months and months and months and it seemed like a miracle in the making...and I was absolutely, positively sure it was going to happen. I put it onto my dream board, I prayed and meditated about it....I had faith....but my prayers and my meditations and my wishes-on-stars always ended it with "if this is the right thing for our family"....I even photoshopped a current photo of our family in front of the house and I looked at it every day. 

I don't know why that looks all smooshed and stretched...but, whatever.......you get the point...it was photoshopped and I was really, truly sure that this whole thing was gonna happen.

There was a closing date. It was incredibly close to the day that we were getting evicted from our rental because THAT house was going into auction. It seemed so serendipitous.

Then we got a call.

It fell through.

And..............I had this overwhelming feeling of peace at first (what the H?)

After about 6 hours, it hit me. The whole devastation thing. Like a death...a real, true death. I had to get over it. I decided I wasn't gonna resist it..............my sweet honey knew for sure I was gonna be devastated.........but he was good. He has learned from his life-changing health ordeal to just be patient, to just trust......I was a little more set on all of this.......when we finally talked about it that night.....I just started to cry. He just held me. He just kept saying....."it's just a house, babe.....it's not us....we will find another home"

Still.....I WANTED THIS SO BADLY! I wanted to blog about it! I wanted to be there again! I wanted to renovate it again....I wanted a Fairy Tale ending.

Miraculously, we found a place to go. A really great place. With all of our friends and family.....we cleaned up both the house we moved out of and the house we were moving into. We packed and moved......

We decided that no matter how temporary THIS house is, that we will make it a home. No more putting life on hold and living out of boxe. We spent a few days making it feel that way...making it pretty.....I LOVE IT HERE. From the minute we walked in, it has felt good and wonderful and our family so happy here. We turned most of the garage into a studio for me, and there's plenty of room for all of us..and a huge kitchen where we have been cooking together like crazy. We have already had several get-togethers and will have more this weekend. Life feels really good.

I am not sure what that whole experience was all about. When I think too hard about it, I still have to refrain from swearing a little....that was a tough one.

But that experience DID get that whole dream out of my system. It really did. I used to drive by the farm and could never NOT cry when I saw it. I used to think we could never be as happy anywhere else. I have been keeping all of my favorite things in boxes, refusing to settle into a home because that was the only one I wanted.

It almost happened and then it blew to bits. And I really really think I am finally ready to let it go. I don't know what happened but I REALLY AM.

Because I feel more at HOME in this temporary place we are now than I have in I don't know how long. For real, I really do. And you know how...you what WHAT it is.....

A DECISION....just a decision. A decision to make the most of it. To make it a home......to let it be home...to fill it with love and trust and happiness and dreams and people and smells of homecooked food and special things that I finally pulled out of boxes.

 

So, I guess I have finally learned what home is after all. It is wherever we make it...it is wherever MARQ and our children are....it is wherever we find ourselves all together with those we love and what we love. It can really be anywhere. Right now it is HERE. And HERE, NOW....this day, this moment...it's a very wonderful place to be. And wherever we end up will be just as good. 

xoxo

m

OK...now that I am over my mourning period...I can't wait to blog about Brave Girl Camp and Artfest...coming next...YAYYY!!!!!!!!!