I have waited to post my articles for a wonderful magazine that I write for, and I have not told you about my "other job"...because I didn't really know what was going to happen. Last December, I took a position as Editor-in-Chief at a fabulous established magazine for business leaders of the Northwest. It was another dream come true....to be able to write, and to contribute in this way.....and, I really really told myself that I COULD juggle two careers, and still be a mother and a wife.......
I did a pretty good job for a while. I loved loved loved the magazine business. I worked from home a lot....still designing all of the products for Chatterbox and leading my team at the studio there, spending a few hours at the magazine office, too.....it was in-sane....
Then.....I decided to do a series in January on life make-overs, and I volunteered to be the subject...the assignment was to meet with a coach and see how much I could make my life over in three months......and WHO KNEW that it would lead me to a decision to resign as Editor in Chief....which I did just before I turned in my last article......(I will still be a contributing writer....just not in charge of anything...and all from home!)
This is making me tear-up.....because.........I was just looking at a bunch of photos that we took over the weekend in photobooth.....and....how the sparkle is back in my eyes....and in the eyes of my children.....(no photos of my incredibly tall and handsome teenager...he has a job and a girlfriend....and LIFE GOES BY TOO FAST....he wasn't here when we shot these photos while getting ready to go to BBQ at Chelseas) Ok.....if you are up for it...I have posted ALL THREEE articles.....and....
I must say.....
I am very very very happy about where this has brought me to. Where my spirit is...where my soul is...where my heart is....where I am. God is so cool and I do not believe for one moment that this was a coincidence. I needed to be redirected.........
So.....I gave up the great job....the new car that came with it and the insurance....the contacts and interviews with anyone I wanted to get in front of...the networking and social functions....and I came home....to paint and write and draw...and to be with my family....
and I drive a minivan now....:)
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THiS is Part III
I started backwards....II and I are following......
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The Mystery That is Life
Towards the end of the 90 days of my Life Makeover, I
went on a business trip to Las Vegas. With a lot on my
mind concerning the many meetings I had scheduled, I
stepped into a taxi and pulled out my dayplanner,
looking for the address to the hotel that I needed to
be taken to. As I was telling the driver the address,
we made eye contact through his rear view mirror and I
couldn’t help but notice the bone-deep look of tired
in his eyes, a tired I fully recognized that had
nothing to do with lack of sleep.
He asked me why I was in town, where I was from and
what I did for a living. I quickly answered his
questions and moved on to his life. I asked him the
same questions. He went on to tell me that he had been
in Las Vegas for quite a while, but after just a few
years there, he realized that he missed his family,
that he didn’t like the life there, that he was
basically miserable, that he worked all the time, and
that his life was not headed in the direction that he
had planned for himself back when he was actually
making plans for himself. He told me that all of his
family is in California, that he wanted to finish his
college degree so that he could do what he really
wanted to do with his life, and that he missed being
near the water and the outdoor life that he missed so
much. I asked him why he was still here. He said “Oh,
I decided I was going to go back to California, I have
made the decision, I made it a while ago, I just
haven’t done it yet...” thinking that I was hearing
about a decision that had very recently been made, and
wanting to encourage him to follow his dreams, I asked
him, “when did you decide that you wanted to go back?”
he paused for a moment and said “hmmmm, I guess it’s
been about 10 years now, I can’t believe how much time
has passed.”
A wave of sorrow washed over my heart for this man. We
spent the next 15 minutes talking about steps he could
take to get back home, about what was holding him
back, and especially about how quickly and
stealth-like the next 10 years would go by with him
still wishing he was where he wanted to be. When we
arrived at the hotel, he gave me a very big and
sincere hug and thanked me over and over for reminding
him that he has choices, and that he’s the only person
with the power to change his own life.
But the thanks should have gone to him. It was just
another wake-up call along this process of my Life
Makeover that I strung with the other pearls of wisdom
that were gifts along the way.
I chose a word early on in the journey, one that I
decided to make my “word for the year”, the word is
“FOCUS” I am certain that it will take me the rest of
2008, or longer to even begin to master the art of
focusing my attention, direction and energy. What I
have learned through my decision to Make-Over my life
is that I can really only make dramatic changes one at
a time. I had big dreams of getting back my rock-hard
bodybuilder body while perfectly managing 2 full-time
careers and putting my 5 children and still-recovering
from brain inury husband very first on my list. I was
certain that in 90 days, I could certainly be the
picture of Wonder-Woman success. I was certain that I
would be an expert life-juggler. What I have to report
is so very much different from that picture.
The most incredible thing that happened as I practiced
the art of FOCUS was that I WOKE UP after a long
sleep. How long have I been asleep? Well, there are
parts of my life that have been on auto-pilot for more
years than I can count. When I really sat down and
remembered what I wanted out of life, taking out the
opinions of others, the stereotypes of our crazy media
and American culture, and even the unrealistic
expectations that I have tortured myself with for so
many years, I realized that at the heart of me, I
really wanted and yearned for a very simple life. I
also realized, to my chagrin, that everything that I
wanted most had been right in front of my face all
along. I just zoomed past it for so many years,
looking for whatever it was that I was looking for.
Just like the taxi driver in Las Vegas said....“no one
else will do this for me” ...this is absolutley the
truth. We each have an enormous responsibility to take
charge of our own lives, and then to practice focus on
the unique plans that sing out to us. I have learned
that when I take time to become very very quiet, the
plans and goals and priorities DO sing out to me. It
has surprised me most of all that what has become
clear to me is that I was doing way too much, not that
I wasn’t doing enough. It became very clear, as well,
that in doing too much, nothing was really getting
completed in a quality way, if it got completed at
all. I really had to make solid decisions concerning
what I would focus my energy on, and for me, that
meant I had to make some sacrifices.
I have made some very difficult choices, and I’ve done
some very hard things over the last 90 days. These
things are unique to what has been singing out to me,
and is different than what might sing out to you or to
anyone else, that is why this is all so difficult, it
takes time to figure out the beat of our unique drum.
If you asked me what I predicted those things might be
before I started, I would have told you that I needed
to learn time management, budgeting, and get back into
a serious exercise regimen. In fact, what my heart
wanted to focus on when I was very honest with myself
was very different. And, in the spirit of FOCUS, I
could only choose a few things to change and improve
and do very well. I found myself reconnecting with
friends regularly, catching up and letting them know
how I feel about them, spending a tremendous amount of
time with my family...from my parents and brothers and
sisters to my nieces and nephews and aunts and uncles.
I started painting again, and writing more. I
eliminated a massive amount of things from my schedule
and essentially from my life. I gave up wonderful
career opportunities after sessions of being really
honest with myself and realizing that those wonderful
things were taking time away from me being the kind of
mother and wife that I wanted to be, which had been
leaving me feeling extremely unsatisfied and full of
anxiety, and setting me off on more crazy chases for
more accomplishments to make those feelings go away.
As I practiced FOCUS, my focus really honed in more
and more on relationships. As the days went by, my
relationships became more and more important, as I
WOKE UP more each day, I saw all of my relationships
in full color, in the incredible spectrum of beauty
that had been there all along, but that I had failed
to notice. I wrote letters, made phonecalls, cancelled
engagements to spend time with people I loved, and I
sought-out others that I needed to mend fences with. I
have had dinner with more friends and family in the
last 3 months than I have in the last 5 years. I
initiated difficult and very important conversations.
I asked for forgiveness on many counts, and granted
forgiveness after holding on to anger and resentment
and hurt for way too long. These are all things that I
have planned on doing for much longer than I wish to
admit. Just like the taxi driver reminded me, 10 more
years could easily go by because I certainly wasn’t
focusing on these things that were singing out so loud
to me.
Something miraculous happened as these new actions
started to become habits. The work that I was
responsible for in my career really started to
flourish to a new level. Not only was I truly enjoying
what I was doing each day, but it was happening
efficiently and effectively. The paradox is that I am
working less hours, but my output is better than ever.
Even more wonderful is that fact that I don’t feel
like I am sacrificing all that is precious in my life,
I feel like I am finally putting those things first.
I’ve decided that 3 months isn’t long enough to make
all of the changes that I really want to make, but I
have to say that I feel more gratified about the shift
that my life has taken in the last 3 months than I
ever felt over an awards, recognition or financial
gain that I have acquired in my life. I guess the
biggest gift is the feeling of peace that is a part of
almost every minute of my day, replacing anxiety,
exhaustion and out-of-body marathon running.
I felt really content over my life-changes as I
recently read the foreword by Michael Galitzer, MD to
Suzanne Sommer’s book, “Ageless”
“A change in conciousness always involves a change in
focus. What excites you? What are you grateful for?
When we continually focus on purpose, passion,
gratitude, we feel whole and happy. Do what you love;
health and healing will follow. Surround yourself with
people who make you feel good. Heal your relationship
with your parents. Make fun and relaxation a daily
priority. Learn to love yourself, really. Once you
learn to forgive yourself, it’s easy for forgive
others. Fill your home with things that support and
nurture you. Make decisions that give you the greatest
peace of mind. Do the best that you can, and don’t
judge others. Connect with your source as often as you
can.”
I couldn’t have said it better myself. Ready for a
Life-Makeover? Just remember that every life is
different, so every life needs to be made over in a
different way. With all that is in me, I would
encourage you to figure out who you are and what you
are about and practice FOCUS-ing on that more and more
every day. I could tell you that it’s changed my life,
but in all actuality it has begun to make my life what
it was always meant to be.
******************Brock...now 17, just walked in from work and said..."I'm home"...pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and pulled out a big pile of moula with a big smile on his face...his first big paycheck since he landed the sweetest job, ever....and handed me 5 Andrew Jacksons to pay me back for his tux for prom.....and other random $10 bills he's sweet-talked me out of.......he is all grown up and he loves his mom and he's leaving for NY for the summer......wow....when did this all happen?
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