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Thursday, September 29, 200
Taking Care of Ourselves
NEVER LOOK BACK...FOCUS ON SOLUTIONS.....
I seriously CAN NOT WAIT for a few years to go by, when the dust settles, and I can give you a detailed account of everything that has happened in my life in the last few years......it's just too soon to give details....but, I sure plan on telling a lot of stories someday...because there's lots of miracles that have taken place that blow my mind.....but usually for a miracle to be performed...there has to be something really difficult to work through....that's why it's a miracle when it 'happens'....I sincerely feel like it's a miracle that I am still standing! :) When I talk to my therapist, and my mentors...it makes them tired just to think about the 'pickles' that I get myself into....yeh, try living it for a while!!! ha ha ha.....well, I took all of these big goals on and I am going to make them happen, no matter what.....but let me tell you....it has not been easy for one second. I don't understand from day to day how so many things can fall apart and then get put back together.....bigger and better....but the time when things are falling apart is the most important time of your life....because YOU have to decide if you have the fortitude to put it all back together....remember that quote by C.S. Lewis...here, I'll put it in again....
God the Builder
"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of — throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself."
-C.S. Lewis
Yesterday on my way to work I was thinking about it all......I was really meditating and thinking deeply and the words came into my head and my heart...."FOCUS ON SOLUTIONS...FORGET THE PROBLEMS" ....and, I started really thinking about that....about what that really means and about what it COULD mean in terms of what a different kind of life we could have if we just looked our 'problems' in the face, examined them and saw what they really were....then moved on and focused on the solutions...never looking back (except to be thankful for the lessons....and the opportunity we've had to grow....)
I tried that out yesterday....and it was a huge blessing for me to start the day out with that perspective...because it was a horrible day...at first.....it was like I was being tested.....the morning started out with something HORRIBLE happening, .....and, I just thought....ok, I am going to focus on solutions for this....so, I got my little advisor team together and said....from now on...we don't talk about the problems after we know exactly what they are....we only talk about solutions.............and they said...ok!!
So....the day was highly stressful, and scary and overwhelming...and I had to pull myself back into the space of solutions at least 4396 times.....but, I did it.....
....and, I was driving home from work the same way I was driving TO work.....with tears in my eyes from exhaustion and fear and 'how in the heck am I EVER going to be able to pull this off?".....
....and then I got a phonecall and to tell me that 'we got it all figured out......it's going to be ok....in fact, it's going to be incredible" ....and I came home to an email that contained THE BIGGEST THING that has ever happened in the history of my business.....oh, I wish I could tell you!!! ....and I will! It's going to be a ton of work, and really scary....and all of that....but THAT'S OK!!!!!! If we focus on the solutions, it's going to be amazing and wonderful........
And, the only reason that I am telling you this is because this is a NOT a unique situation...this is the way life works....and it works this way for everyone....and there is SO much power in it.......and I want everyone to experience living this way......the way that you live when you know that you are being "renovated", not destroyed....you are being refined, not weakened.....you are being sanctified, not evaporated......when you FOCUS ON SOLUTIONS and put your problems behind you.....
It doesn't matter what the problem is....it really doesn't.....problems are problems and pain is pain....no pain is bigger or smaller than anyone else's......BUT, one thing remains.......if you focus on the solutions, the problems lose all of their power over you......look UP, not down....the answers are UP. Look into the light and not the darkness........learn the details of the problem and then forget them....focus on the solutions.
I really believe that this is one of THE BEST WAYS I can think of to take good care of ourselves....because life can get so overwhelming and really take everything good out of us...life is meant to be enjoyed...that's what was always intended for us....focus on solutions.
Have a great day......gotta go work on my marriage book! :)
p.s. Marq is still making improvements every day....thanks for all of the concerned emails......and prayers.
Lots of Love,
melody
September 26, 2006
Overcoming Fears
DO THE HARD THINGS....
DO THE HARD THINGS…..
You know what I have learned about life after a whole lot of doing things wrong? I have learned that if you’ve got something difficult staring you in the face…just get it done…and get it done first…get it done before you chicken-out or change your mind or get scared out of it…if you know it’s right, if you know it’s necessary to get you where you want to go, or where you know you are supposed to go…do the hard things.
I think one of the hardest things in the whole wide world is accepting and embracing change…especially a change that will shake things up…a change that’s a little scary and uncertain….a change that is inevitable.
Another really hard thing is having conversations that need to happen…that are scary and uncomfortable….
Today I had to do some things that I have been trying to fight for a long time…I had to accept some big changes and even take it into my hands to accelerate them. I had to have some conversations that I knew were crucial, but that I tried to fool myself into thinking weren’t really so necessary….because I knew that what I had to do today would make it one of the most difficult but character building days that I would ever have…
“It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.” –Alan Cohen
But, I did it. I just did it. I did it first thing and I kept it together and I remained honest and loving the way I wanted to…I wanted to show my love and respect by being completely honest, with myself and with the changes that needed to happen….and I didn’t waver from what I knew needed to happen. I sacrificed my own comfort and fears for the greater good…..and, it was very very difficult…and painful….but, I have known that it needed to be done for so many reasons….not just for me, but for others that I care about so deeply……
I have to be honest and say that I used to have my husband do so much of this for me…take care of things that made me uncomfortable or scared….and today, he said he would help me….but….I told him that I needed to do this myself, because it was the right thing to do and because I cared about it enough to do it the right way…to show my respect and care, straight from me. In the past I have had teammates do hard things for me, I’ve even had my children do hard things for me…..you know….tenderhearted and non-confrontational, etc……and, over the years, I have conquered one hard thing after another…..and realized…that the more you do hard things that need to be done, in a completely full-hearted and honest way….the more you realize that just doing it has immense rewards, mostly internal, but external, too. I came home tonight feeling at-peace….feeling like I handled things with grace and dignity and respect and love….and the only way that it could have happened is by doing it the hard way….and I did.
And even though it was a difficult day….and I am exhausted….I feel a great sense of peace and self-respect…..that I am starting to be a grown-up…..and it’s about time.
Do the hard things. You know what they are…..just go do it….you will feel ten thousand times better and so will everyone around you who knows it needs to be done…..just do it, do the hard things……
Hope you’re having a great week!
lots of love
melody
September 25, 2006
Goals That Matter
Back in the Saddle...again.....
So, I’m back on the wagon…back in the saddle……trying out spinning….I have been not so good lately about exercising and eating right, after that whole big long speech I gave about the importance of exercising and eating right and about how FOR SURE I am definitely in a lifelong habit of it……never to turn away……….HA!!!
1 year ago I was in the best shape of my life…remember that photo I posted….ugh….that was hard work……then, I got tired and I went on a trip and the food in Africa was so good….and I didn’t get up every day and exercise there, either…and guess what? I GOT OUT OF THE HABIT!!! Caaaaan youuuuu belieeeeeve thaaaaat???? HOW EMBARRASSING!! I am so totally mad at myself because I am pretty sure I’ve gained more than 10 pounds on the last few months…..but, I am back on the wagon….and working hard again…..
And….I did spinning for the second time today and it is SO HARD. It is a new thing for me and it makes me feel like I have never worked out in my entire life….I am a total dork on that bike…I am serious….I don’t have the right shoes and I have to squeeze my big sneakers into those plastic cage thingees, instead of having the cool shoes that clip into the pedal….and, I don’t have the right shorts so…well, you know……and, I was totally huffing and puffing even though I can run 4 miles….or do the stairmaster forever and still leave being able to breathe….it was hard and I was the newbee and it reminded me of when I first stepped into the gym 6 years ago and went to my first kickboxing class……
I think I was invented to be the girl who is here to make everyone else feel good about themselves….by that, I mean that when I was on the front row in kickboxing (where I really had to be so I could watch the instructor closely because I am so uncoordinated)…anyway, when I was on that front row….every girl in that class felt so good about herself because she could say…. “wow, at least I am not as bad at kickboxing as that girl in the front row!”
And…that is ok……..
That’s how I felt in spinning today, but I was there, and I finished a really long one hour class, then I did 100 sit ups and took on the day…..
…..another start-over, do-over, get-over-it and move on….and that’s what life is all about….what was your spinning class today???
….I bet you wondered why I wasn’t pushing you so hard on the fitness challenge, huh? You see, I am thinking that God humbles us whenever we think we are super-cool or super-good at something….and shows us….that we have to get back up every day and try try try…..that we are never ‘there’…..that it’s always a journey…..
…..so, here I go again. I want to get back into shape before Christmas….anyone with me? Again? Goals….we can do this.
Hope you’re having a great Monday….thanks for your friendship….and just for everything….I love you guys.
Melody
September 24, 2006
Counting our Blessings....
Scrapbooking Rocks!
Do you know what is so totally great about scrapbooking and the scrapbooking industry? Well, I could go for hours telling you.
For one....if it were not for the scrapbooking industry, I would not know you and you would not know me.....I would not have met my greatest mentor and friend, Jeanne Reed 10 years ago, and I would not have Chatterbox. I would not have the enormous blessing of working with the incredible people at my office and art department every day.....I would not know HALF of the incredible people that I know today and I would not have even CLOSE to the amount of meaningful relationships that I have all over the world...
I would not have so many of my stories and feelings and photos documented.....I would not think so open-wide and heart-deep...I would not reach for all that I reach for every day......
I would not have been inspired by Ali Edwards and Becky Higgins and Christy Tomlinson and so many other incredible women who have gone from there to here to everywhere good.......like all of you.....
And....I would not have weeks like this....where I could meet someone 2 years ago at a scrapbooking show....stay in touch....and end up with the gift of having her in my home and lighting up my life.....and having my husband grab the camera and taunt us mercilessly......thanks Rhonda.
Scrapbooking so totally rocks.
And...I am so thankful to have discovered it......that we all can find each other and help each other like this.....that I could have people from ALL OVER THE WORLD help me bandage up my wounds and figure things out.......
I love you guys....shout out thanks today for this awesome industry....
Lots and Lots of LOVE....
melody
Marriage Secret #3 is....Make Time To Have Fun Together
Dear Brock, Malary, Madi, Max & Mitch,
Chapter 3
Making Time to Have Fun Together
I remember every Friday night while I was growing up that my dad would take my mom out on a date, almost without exception. Once in a while when it was one of our birthdays or some other special occasion, we got to tag along…but usually they just went out alone. I always thought it was kind of funny, I mean, they were married! Why did they need to go out on a date? They already dated and fell in love a long time ago…..and now they’re married….I just didn’t get it…but it was really important to them and they always went out…every Friday night.
You can see, even now, how much Grandma and Grandpa love each other…they always have. Now I understand how important that weekly date was to them…or the way they would play card games, or go to the mountains, or work on the yard together….or sing together…they always make time to be together. The love that they had for each other affected my life so much, I always hoped that I’d have a husband someday who would want to take me out on dates like that.
One thing that we know about Dad is that he loves to have fun. He works hard and he plays hard. Dad has taught me how important it is to stop and have fun together. As you know, I am a productivity addict….sometimes an absolute workaholic…but dad and I have always found ways to make everything fun, even work. In the beginning of our marriage, we didn’t have much money…well, we didn’t really have any money after our basic needs were met…but we always had our Friday nights together for a date…most of the time we date TWICE a week.
And, as you know…dad and I have always done lots of things together with our friends and with you guys…and with our families….camping and boating and parties…but the time I am talking about is one on one time….dates.
Here’s the deal….sometimes it’s really hard for me to stop what I’m doing to go on a date…seriously….sometimes I have to make myself go…and make myself want to be there….and, I’m sure sometimes it’s the same for dad. Things get stale, and we get sick of being around each other…or maybe we’re sort of annoyed with each other (you know how hard it was to be around dad much of the time when he was so depressed and sick)…and I’d rather hang out at home and read a book, or he’d rather go outside and dig a hole with his tractor and fill it back in again…..but, we always make time….we get dressed up, and he shaves and wears cologne and I wear my hair down and we get in the car and go…..and before the night is over, we have decided, once again…that if we had it to do all over again, we would have chosen each other for sure.
That’s what dates are for…to remind us.
It’s been a really critical part of keeping our marriage first…of keeping it alive and of showing each other how we really feel about each other. It’s been really important during all of the different phases of our marriage that we stopped what we were doing, at least once a week, and focused on each other to the point that we forgot everything but each other…you HAVE to take yourself out of life, just the two of you….and step into a place of fun that reminds you why you got married in the first place….that you don’t just LOVE each other, but that you really do like each other, too.
The key to all of this that when you are going out together, treat each other the way you did when you WERE dating….plan special things…ASK each other out…get cleaned up and dressed up like you really want to impress each other…hold hands, sit next to each other….flirt with each other….walk next to each other, walk slow, cherish your time together…talk to each other…ask each other questions….figure out how to make each other feel like THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON ON EARTH….because I promise, the key to happiness is understanding that your spouse IS the most important person on earth to you….just like I said before….you are the ONLY person on the earth who has made a promise to be this person’s partner…to help them and love them through life…to accept them and help them find happiness and be successful….you’re the only one they’ve got…and they’re the only one you’ve got…make the MOST of it…..
Now you understand what we were doing every Friday night when you always asked “why are you going on a date again?” …..we were doing it for you and for us…..and you need to do it for your children and for each other….it’s very very important and you’ll see dramatic changes in your marriage when you really make a commitment to it.
And…dad and I will always be here to babysit your babies when you want to go on a date!!! We’ve been looking forward to it forever!
xoxoxox
-Mom
September 16, 2006
Relationship Solutions & Juggling Breakables......
As promised (but a day late...been busy rejuvinating my marriage!) here's Chapter 2 in the book about marriage that I'm writing for my kids.....and for me!
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Never Give Up
Dear Brock, Malary, Madi, Max & Mitch….
Here’s secret #2 to having a happy marriage…”Never Give Up”
It wouldn’t be honest, at all, to say that there won’t be times in your marriage when you feel like throwing in the towel….just know that it’s totally normal. There will be times when you are just bored because neither of you have worked on staying in love, you’ve let lots of little things pile up until there’s a mountain of them…and there will be times that are much much bigger….times when a lot of people WOULD throw in the towel….that’s when you figure out the meaning of unconditional love…that you gotta love whether you’re getting everything out of it that you are wanting back or not…just love for the sake of loving…love because you promised you would…..that’s when those vows, promises, covenants get severely tested….the best thing you can do before you get married is set your boundaries….then do everything you can within those boundaries to make things work….to never, ever give up.
The boundaries part is important….and I want to talk a little bit about that before I begin. There are things in all human relationships, and especially in marriage, that are simply unacceptable. I would help dad through any problem that he ever had, I really believe that….as long as his true intention was to make our marriage thrive. People make mistakes, and that is understandable…painful but understandable. But, you have to set boundaries for what you will put up with beyond that….I am saying this because, in the naivety of my twenties, I really thought that divorce was not an option….that any marriage could be worked out……….now, after watching 3 people that I love very much TRY EVERYTHING to make their marriages work…and I mean everything…..then just suffer heartbreak because their partners ultimately were not interested in making the marriage work…..the best alternative for them was to split up. You have to set those boundaries for yourself. I hope that you’ll set boundaries of complete fidelity, of shared values…that you’ll set a boundary that you’ll always be what your spouse chooses first….that you won’t tolerate addictions, you’ll help them through them, but you won’t tolerate the acceptance of them. Those are boundaries I hope you’ll set.
That being said….I really hope for you that you’ll choose someone, ahead of time, who is dedicated to putting their marriage first for the rest of their life….you deserve someone who wants nothing more than for you to be happy and comfortable and fulfilled….and, if you are dedicated to making their life happy and comfortable and fulfilled, I am absolutely confident that you’ll be able to find someone who wants the same for you…just remember it’s a two way street…and that as long as the intention was there sincerely from the beginning, you can almost always revive it if you work on it yourself.
Dad and I made a contract when we were engaged….we handwrote it…with little doodly hearts…and it said that we would never even SAY divorce….that we’d never consider that an option….that we’d always look for a better way, and never a way out……like I said, we were kids and we had no idea what was ahead for us….we just knew that we were completely in love and we never wanted anything to shake it….and if anything ever did…we would only focus on solutions, not on the problems……we’ve pretty much made that happen….not always completely smoothly….but we’ve never even threatened each other or entertained the idea of giving up…and as you know….things have not always been easy. When dad got sick in 2004, he really had no interest in anything…not even me. Sickness is different, and complex…..I knew his real intentions, I knew the real him…..this trial we went through and that we’re still trying to get through as I write this has been a test of our love….and it’s completely within our boundaries…..it’s been painful and there were lots of days that I didn’t think I could keep going…..lots of them….I had to pull myself back up and remember who I am and what we had promised and what I really wanted when all was said and done…..and, what Dad and I both want is to be together forever……even if it’s not always easy and fun…..there’s a lot of wisdom in “for better or for worse” and “in sickness and in health”…..you might think when you are blissfully in love that it could mean that you might have to move somewhere you don’t like in a job transfer, or that you’ll feed your honey some chicken noodle soup when they are sick………..you’d never imagine that you might have to take care of a chronic illness for the rest of your life and theirs…..or that all of your dreams can shatter and every ‘thing’ that you’ve worked for together your whole life can be taken away…or you can lose children or never be able to have children…..but those things happen……and lots of marriages fall apart because of it…..and it is so sad….but marriage is hard….please know that…it’s very very hard to stay in love through some of these difficulties…it’s hard but it’s worth every bit of effort that it entails….and pretty much everything worthwhile in life is just like that…..
“Every worthwhile accomplishment, big or little, has its stages of drudgery and triumph; a beginning, a struggle and a victory”. –Gandhi
Do you know what? With every opportunity that I’ve had in life, traveling all over the world and working hard to make my big dreams come true, and giving birth to all of you….when people ask me what my biggest accomplishment is, I always have to say that it is ‘staying married and staying in love….” Because like I said, it is hard work…..
It really helps to consider that your marriage is a lot like your body….commit to your marriage that way…that you’ve got to take care of it because it’s the only one you’ve got….that you can’t just run out and get another one….but that if you take care of it….it will be beautiful and will take you joyfully through life…..
Understand that we all go through phases and stages….hormones, depression, stress, disappointments, sickness, confusion……people have ups and downs and sometimes they last for hours…sometimes days…sometimes years…just focus on the intention…..that usually people ARE doing their very best, even if their effort seems measly…..and not on what’s happening in the moment…focus on solutions and not on problems….focus on the promise…focus on faith that things will get better…..focus on showing absolute unconditional love….especially when it’s hardest and it seems that they least ‘deserve’ it…..love for the sake of loving….treat your sweetheart the way you would and do want to be treated when you are going through a rough patch…..having a bad day or a bad year…feeling down…and never, ever forget that YOU are the ONLY person who has the promised stewardship of walking through life and helping that person get through life…..you are THE one who is their partner……that is big.
As long as you go into it knowing that…and expecting that sometimes it will be very difficult….but that there’s always miracles to help the difficulty…and that God wants nothing more than to help you make your marriages successful….and that you promised God you’d try your hardest…..and that as long as both of you want it, you can really get through anything…..you’ll be able to do it….you really will. I know that from experience……..and from watching lots of others.
I think this might be one of the most important secrets of marriage….just because EVERYONE wants to give up sometimes, but most people keep that private….so you might think you’re the only one….you’re not….it’s very very normal and it’s totally ok…..it’s ok as long as you let yourself feel that for a little bit and then focus on the solutions…….
I believe in you and I’ll always be here for you….you can call me any time you want to vent about your sweetie….just know that if I know that you’re both trying, I’ll probably take their side and tell you to go kiss and make up…because I know that’s what you really want me to do!!
It’s worth fighting for….don’t give up.
xoxoxo
Mom
This is very big………….do you hear me? This is the first day of the rest of my life….
Since tomorrow is relationship Friday and I’m still working on the book for my kids about marriage…and the chapter that is for tomorrow is “NEVER GIVE UP”…..I want to preface it with a real life chapter in my love story.
Before I left for Africa, things had started to change. I haven’t wanted to talk about this because I didn’t want to do anything that could ‘jinx’ it….I didn’t want to change the waves and winds of better luck that were starting to breeze into our life…….
You see, a few months ago….things were at the rock bottom worst, ever. Marq was in the deepest despair you could ever imagine….in fact, it was scheduled that he’d be going to California as soon as I got back from Africa to spend a few months in a special brain injury center that could help him overcome the deep depression he’s been in for the 2 years since his brain injury….it has been hell and it was at it’s very worst……and, I just didn’t know what else to do….
Then, a few weeks before I left, the doctor said he’d like to try one more medicine before we decided to send him there…..and, I could hardly get him to try one more thing because for 2 years….we’ve tried so many medicines and so many therapies and so much of this and that and everything…….and…..things sometimes got a little better…but never to a place where life felt happy and worth living….just bearable….just numb…..he’d try to smile and be happy….for months at a time….but he’d always say that he really couldn’t feel anything….and you could see it in his eyes.
And that was the worst part….no feelings….none. No love or passion or sorrow or compassion or worry or joy…..nothing…
…….and I had to come to terms with that….going from the most passionate marriage between two best friends that I ever even knew about to one that was without feeling…from one side anyway….he tried so hard, he felt so bad and so guilty and he tried so hard…….but…..just could not feel anything, about anything…..just darkness and nothing that had finally turned to anger and bitterness…..but a really empty kind.
And before I left he was getting out of bed at the crack of dawn, like old times….and heading outside to work…..and I’d come out to see him and he’d be whistling…and he wouldn’t come in until after dark. And I packed for Africa biting my lip and thinking….surely not? I did not get my hopes up……and he took me to the airport and we said goodbye and I tried so hard not to notice the pink color in his skin and the little glimmer of light in his eyes.
Then, one night last week while I was on the other side of the world….3am actually, in Africa…..my cell phone rang and woke me up and I answered it…..and it was Marq….and it was 7pm at home…and I’m sure he knew that but he called me anyway. And he said “whatcha doing?” and I said…”sleeping! It’s 3am….is everything ok?”…..and he said….and I will never, ever forget……….
“I just keep thinking about you and I can’t stop crying. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I can’t stop crying and I miss you so much.”
Now…..do you see why this is big? I did. I was so happy that I couldn’t feel sorry for his tears….only happy that he was having tears….having feelings….that he was feeling love….love for me….
But I’ve seen glimpses like this here and there over the last few years….and they go as fast as they come and they are strained….and, so…you know…..I just was thankful for it but trying not to, you know ……
On my plane ride home I was thinking about him…so much…I was thinking about him my whole trip. I talked about him constantly. I am so deeply and madly in love with him and I have missed him every second of every day since this horrible thing happened to us….I fell asleep on the plane and had a dream that I will never forget….
I remember feeling like I was broken up in a million pieces when I left for Africa…I was wondering how I could ever find all of the pieces to put myself back together….in my dream, pieces of me were falling to the ground, and I was scrambling to find them and glue them back on….and they would fall off….and more would fall off….and I’d cry and hurry and couldn’t pick up the pieces fast enough and glue them on…..then finally I saw what was happening.
It was a hard outer shell that was cracking and breaking and falling off of me….in pieces. It was sort of like hard mud, or baked clay….but, with each piece that broke off….a radiant glow of newness…new skin and new life and new me and real me was underneath it. It was supposed to fall off….while I have felt like I was falling apart, falling to pieces….what has really been happening is that I am shedding old, hard painful things and finding radiance and love and light underneath…the real things. The real me…maybe like the cocoon is cracking and shedding?
And when all of the pieces fell, in my dream, I found myself against a thick wall of glass….I was on one side, Marq was on the other….oh gosh, this is making me cry….and we were touching hands and walking back and forth and following each other’s hands with our eyes glued to each other’s….and trying so desperately to connect….so desperately. This was a painful dream….the kind you don’t stop feeling for days…..but then….the whole wall dropped, it shattered into a million pieces in a pile on the floor….and our hands met….
And I woke up promptly and sat in my seat and bawled like a baby. I wished that something like this could really happen, and I was thankful for the perspective about shedding the pieces, and that I needed to stop trying to glue the old pieces back on…..but, I really just wished the other part was true……….and sort of let myself believe that maybe it was a sign.
I called Kat from my layover and she told me that something big was happening….she said I wouldn’t believe my eyes and she didn’t even know how to explain it….but, that the whole time I was gone….Marq was getting better and better and happier and happier and more like his old self than ever…that he even looked different……….
I got off the plane at home and saw him standing outside the glass window waiting for me. He smiled and I smiled and I started to run and ran through the door and hugged him harder than I ever have…and he hugged me back…..and kissed me…..and looked me right in the eye…..and grabbed my suitcases and told me again how much he missed me….and I said “you have no idea how much I missed you….” ….and it had nothing to do with Africa.
Today is the 3rd day that I have been home. I can’t tell you what happened while I was gone but I can tell you that my husband still loves me….that we have been talking and catching up and laughing and hugging and smiling and there’s so much that I hope you never, ever take for granted……because I had almost forgotten what it was like to be loved like this.
And, even if it doesn’t last…..this is the best it’s been for 2 whole years…….and I know it’s from prayers from people all over the world and thousands of tears that fell down lots and lots of cheeks, especially mine….and God’s timing….and the lessons we needed and need……and patience….tons and tons of patience….and never giving up…..and keeping big promises that you have no idea how hard they’ll be to keep. And love that is given whether it’s given back or not……….and that miracles still happen, every day…..exactly when they’re supposed to and usually much later than we’d like…and that it’s always, always worth the wait. And that sometimes maybe God says…”you go to Africa and let me take care of this….”
Today I came home from work and went to find him out back working on his tractor…..and he pulled off his work gloves and kissed me the way he used to…..and my kids snapped this photo…..and I’ll print and frame it because this is the first day of the shedding of some old skin……and good new things are coming, I just know it.
Thank you for your prayers….do you see what you did?
I love you guys,
Melody
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