MelodyFreebird

Deserving Happiness?...what the?...

August 30th, 2006

Expect Miracles
Deserving Happiness???…what the…???

Do You Deserve To Be Happy?

What the heck kind of question is that??????? Where do we learn this stuff? Wherever we picked it up,,.it is time to unlearn it…we need to remember the way we felt when we were kids…or more like, the ways we didn’t feel…the things we never even considered…like whether or not we were ‘worthy’ or ‘good enough’…we just were who we were, who we were perfectly created to be….and we were happy to be here and happy about being happy….
I remember just dancing through life until I was about 11….and then something happened somehow in my brain that overtook what my soul always knew….I started thinking you had to ‘deserve’ or ‘earn’…and it’s taken years to recover from it….I’m still trying…remember my poem “I MADE YOU” ….that poem came from my starting to understand the nature of God’s unconditional love, acceptance and care for us individually….He made us!

I was browsing on the internet last night and found a poll that knocked my socks off and left me with my jaw dropped, made me want to grab every woman I know, gently put my hands on her face and say…”is this really how you feel?” …then hug her and remind her of the truth of things…..what happens when we are adults that makes us forget that we are absolutely right just the way we are????

…it was on Oprah.com and was entitled “Are You Happy With Yourself?” …of the 60,000ish people who responded, here were the results…

Are you happy with yourself?
Yes 25%
No 75%

Number of responses: 62643

In what area do you feel you've failed yourself the most?
Career 12.3%
Children 8.2%
Romantic relationships 17.3%
Friends 4.8%
Personal goals/dreams 57.4%
Number of responses: 50791

When you look in the mirror every day, how do you feel?
Proud 4.6%
Satisfied 25.6%
Disgusted 30.4%
Ugly 21%
Out of control 18.4%
Number of responses: 56485

Is how much you dislike yourself a secret you keep from other people in your life?
Yes 74%
No 26%
Number of responses: 54746

How do you escape reality?
Use drugs/alcohol 5.9%
Sleep 12%
Gossip about other people 2.5%
Have sex 1.2%
Isolate yourself 29.7%
Overeat 26.8%
Other 22%
Number of responses: 54806

I feel worthy and good enough
Some of the time 39.7%
Most of the time 27.3%
Almost never 27.5%
Never 5.5%
Number of responses: 56262

Seriously, gals…..how did this happen?

What I know deep down in my knowingest heart and brain space is that we can’t get to the places that we want most…in the relationships we want most unless we know the truth about how wonderful we are….unless we know and remember that there’s no such thing as being ‘worthy’ of love or happiness…God’s real intent for us is joy joy joy, really…we are loved and wonderful and just right, just by being God’s children…we can always improve and we can always work a little harder, but we are loved and cherished TODAY…and we will be tomorrow…and we’ll always be enough…no matter what. I really believe that and I hope you do, too. I hope you do because there’s others who need you to remind them of the truth…your daughters and your friends and even the women you admire…

But…believe me when I tell you that sometimes I listen to the mean, dark, taunting words that silently come from everywhere but Heaven…you know…the ones that say “you will never be good enough” or “you don’t deserve those things or those people…” …and, for some reason, those yucky words are sometimes more believable that the truth…what would the truth say? WHAT DOES THE TRUTH SAY? It says “there’s enough happiness and joy out there for everyone, more than enough…go out and absorb it…breathe it in and breathe it out and there will still be more there when you breathe it in again…” and “you don’t have to earn happiness, it’s what is intended for you…” and “…you are more than enough, you are magnificent!”

I love this picture because it is the picture of JOY…I look at it when I want to remember the kind of JOY that God really wants for all of us…He really really does.
Imagine the newly talking 2 or 3 year old little girl in your life…maybe it’s your daughter or your cousin or your granddaughter…imagine her coming to you and asking…”what will it take for me to be good enough to earn happiness, and earn your unconditional love?”

Ridiculous! We are that same pure and wonderful little girl that we were when we could just form words…what if we REALLY went to God and asked that question? What do you think He would say? Would He say…”come back when you have a degree from Harvard and 14% bodyfat and check to see if I love you then, if you’ve earned your happiness and self-acceptance…” yeh, right. Why do we let ourselves believe those kinds of deceptions?

I think we ALL know that He would say…”I have always loved you and I always will…I love you when you make mistakes, and I’m here to help you correct them…I love you when you fall down, and I’m here to help you back up…I love you when you achieve your goals, but I loved you anyway…I love you no matter what…you are JUST RIGHT, just the way you are…I know that because I made you that way…”

That’s the truth.

Hope you guys are doing great and I hope especially that you are not in the kind of pain that it looks like 75% of the population is in…living with not being happy with yourself. My challenge is that you go and ask the Guy who made you if you are ‘enough’…you’ll get an answer loud and clear…..you are wonderful and the best thing you can do for the people that you love and who love you is for you to accept the truth…that you are wonderful and you ‘deserve’ all the happiness in the world….

Lots of Love
Melody

The Miracle That is Life....

August 28, 2006

Counting our Blessings
Success and Goals that Matter

Here I go again! I will do better at keeping up....

I am in Dallas, TX right now....got here late late late last night....it has been raining and a wonderful break from the dry dry dry heat at home......I have had meetings and then a lot of time working alone in my room.....after the month I have had it's been a nice change, and I have thorouhly enjoyed the time in my room while the rain beats on the window. I am very thankful for it.

....although I missed Max's first day of Kindergarten today and my heart is absolutely broken over it....Marq is doing well (THANK YOU for the prayers...they are working) and they (Marq and Max) called me this morning from the Kindergarten line that they were standing in outside of his classroom door....he was so happy and excited....and we'd gone in the day before I left to meet his teacher and see everything, so I knew he was ok with it all.....still....you can imagine what I am feeling now....sadness, jealousy, guilt.....all of the kids started school today except for Mitchy....and, he said this morning from home that he misses Max......oh life....life life life.....

....and, can you believe I have one who started TENTH GRADE today?
....and I have a SEVENTH GRADER?
.....and a FIFTH GRADER?

I can still tell you details about all of those years of my life...like they were yesterday........

Well, I am rambling, what I really want to tell you is that I am thankful that the black cloud is blowing over my head...I am emotinally, physically and spiritually coming out of a very deep rut....and I see light....and, I know from so many of you that you are in that place right now....and I just want to tell you that it will pass......I know when people were telling me that, I was silently saying "yeh, right" but...I promise, it will pass......

so...my thing to be thankful for
......light at the end of the tunnel....

and....my goal for the week....
to stay in this state of gratitude and out of a state of yuckiness

because, there is so much to be thankful for....so much. There is so much in life to look forward to....life is so big....and God is so big...and when things are tough, there's always something to look to for joy....even if it's just rain on the window....

I ran today for the first time in weeks....it was wonderful, and gave me new perspective. I have been sleeping in instead of working out...and I'd forgotten how much my mind needs to be cleared every morning through exercise...why do we forget? I know that staying out of the yuckiness for me means exercising every day and staying away from junky food...and I'm recommitting...it also means filling my mind with goodness, and not allowing any negative or yucky information in....good stuff in, good stuff out.......

I'll write more later...gotta head off to another meeting!
Thanks for hanging with me!!!!

I have lots to tell you over the next few days!!
Lots of Love
melody

End of Summer Family Fun!!!

August 26, 206
Juggling Breakables

IT'S TIME FOR FAMILY FUN!!
SUMMER IS ALMOST OVER!!!

Here's a list of really fun things that I found on an Australian website....I love the lingo...some of it I can't figure out...but there's a lot of really good ideas in here for ways to make the most of the rest of the summer....make it a great family day!

In your own backyard or neighbourhood
1. Make home-made kites to fly during summer
2. Play Frisbee in the backyard
3. Teach your dog how to heel, sit, lie-down, stay and come to you !!! Then take him/her for a walk in one of the dog exer-
cise areas... and see if he can obey you away from home!
4. Make a homemade billycart then find a safe place to do time trials or races (use correct safety gear including helmets
5. Locate a great picnic spot and make the food to go in the hamper for a picnic the next day
6. Look through the old toy box and re-discover Totem Tennis, table tennis and other games you may have stored away
7. Borrow 2 racquets and teach your children how to play tennis at the local court
8. Learn how to play 1 on 1 basketball at the local court {or get 6 people for a game of 3 on 3}
9. Take a walk at dusk with your children to see how many “after dark” animals you can find in your neighbourhood
10.Run a mock Olympic’s for the neighbourhood children
11. Make stilts from cans and string
12.Plan a scavenger hunt
13.Phone your local sport and recreation centres and find out what activities they offer and how you and your children can try
them

Go to the Beach
Remember to Slip, Slop, Slap AND always watch children who are playing near water!!!
14.Have a sandcastle competition
15.Learn how to swim safely in the surf...Ask your local surf club for details
16.Learn how to body surf or boogie board
17. Go scavenging for shells along with other bits and pieces...then make a beach mobile!
18.Learn to how to fish or net for “tiddlies or whitebait”
19.Find out which beaches allow dogs, and take the dog for a walk on the beach (take a bag for any droppings)
20.Beach cricket (or Tipperty Run, or French Cricket)
21.Beach soccer
22.Beach touch rugby
23.Modify other games for children to play
24.Play catches OR tag
25.Set up a treasure hunt complete with treasure maps and treasure
26.Fly your home-made kite
27.Play volley ball with a big beach-ball over a rope between 2 poles - in or out of the water
28.Play Frisbee Golf (trying to get the Frisbee in to the bin, hole or similar)
29.Find a quiet corner to try a spot of snorkelling
30.Stage the Summer Olympics...Long jump, running races, hurdles over sand humps...

Go to the bush
Careful not to get lost... Stick to the tracks!!!
31.Ask your local council about the walking trails in your area...then go exploring!
32.Make a list of great spots for picnics then visit them... take the cricket bat or footy along!
33.Learn how to read a map... Then make a map which shows a safe bike route to school or a friends place
34.See if you can sneak up on rabbits at twilight
35.Take a book about the stars to the bush in the early evening. Try to find the different constellations
36.Play hide and seek in a set area - careful not to venture outside the boundaries - its easy to get lost in the bush!!!
37.Use a library book to help you identify the bird life or flora on your wanders
38.Go tad-poling! Locate them then watch them change each week!
39.Mountain bike down a local mountain if tracks are suitable

Go to the City
40.Find out if there are any historical walk maps you can follow
41.Find out if there are any special activities for children in the parks during the holidays
42.Find out if there are any other activities for children during the holidays
43.Take a walk around the Museum
44.Take a picnic lunch to the park - invite a friend who works in the city to join you
45.Go for a walk around the Botanical Gardens
65 Fun Things to Do with Your Family
Teach your children how to play by helping them with the following (cheap) activities during the school holidays...
Go to the River
Choose spots for river activities carefully. Ensure that there is very little current and the water is only knee deep... Ensure whoever
is watching the children can swim and knows CPR.
• Find out if there is a bike track around the river then:
46.Bike it
47.Roller-blade it
48.Walk it
49.Learn how to fish using a branch, cat-gut, a hook and sinker!
50.Make paper / wooden boats and race them down a shallow stream (careful not to fall in). Walnut shells with plasticine to stick a tooth-
pick and paper sail in work well too!
Go to the Pool
Make sure there are lifeguards on duty and that your children know how deep they are allowed to go! Always watch children
carefully near water Keep a careful watch!
51. Learn how to swim using a variety of strokes
52.Learn how to dive from the diving board
53.Play chasing games that you play on land in the pool..... tag, chain tag, tag across the pool with the catchers in the middle
54.Diving for objects - (make sure the objects are clean and appropriate for pool use)
55.Topsi-Turvi Swimming Races - using 2 different strokes{(butterfly legs with breast-stroke arms OR dog-paddle arms with breast-stroke
legs}
56.Handstands competitions in the water
Go to the Parks
57.Study the habits of the local ant colony
58.Go netting for butterflies then draw them before releasing them - remember not to touch them
59.Learn how to play life-sized chess (or chequers using chess pieces) in the park
60.Learn how to skateboard at the local skate park
61. Play “Hide and Seek “
62.Play “Sardines” (where 1 person hides, and as the other people find them, they hide with the person)
63.Make your own kite then fly it in the local parks
64.Learn to do handstands - then have a competition
65.Find out if Life. Be in it. are running any activities for children these holidays

Lots of Love
melody

What I've Learned About Marriage...to my kids

August 25, 2006
Relationship Solutions

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As I promised last week, I am posting a chapter a week of the little book that I'm writing for my children about what I've learned about marriage....here's secret #1....you can see the first post here....

http://melodyross.typepad.com/my_weblog/fridays_relationship_solutions/index.html
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Marriage Secret #1
Putting Each Other First

When dad and I were seriously dating, I constantly made diligent mental notes of everything that dad talked about so I could remember what made him happiest, and so I could act on the things I heard from him to figure out ways to make him happy and happier….once I fell head-over-heels in love, his happiness was #1 on my list…and, the returns were huge because the more I did those things for him, the more he returned his love by putting my happiness first.

Then we got married and started getting used to each other…and as everyone does, started taking each other for granted. I remember early in our marriage when I was really frustrated over the way dad and I couldn’t come to terms on how certain household things were done…I thought he was ridiculous and he thought I was careless…it wasn’t that I was careless, I thought…it was that I didn’t care as much as he did about the same things.

I went and talked to a few successfully married people who were much older than we were….and they both told me the same things…”is it really worth holding on to something you see as trivial when it is more important to him than it is to you?” and…I thought I’d try out just doing things his way…just try out putting his happiness first in this one case…and to be honest, it really DIDN’T matter to me…I was just being stubborn, and trying to show him how ridiculous I thought his perfectionism was….

But, a funny thing happened when I started just cheerfully doing those things the way he wanted them done…it meant the world to him, then he started looking for things he could do for me….and then it was so fun and happy, that I started looking for more things I could do to make him happy….and he looked for ways to show me that he wanted me to be happy….and as long as we worked on that…just little things every day, the more it grew to the habit of always putting each other’s happiness first.

But, it was a conscious effort that had to be practiced every day…or it started to tilt downward again…we’d start taking each other for granted and putting other priorities ahead of each other…put our own convenience or stubbornness ahead of each other’s comfort and happiness…even if it would have been nearly effortless to do things a little differently…we would just get lazy….

It’s easy to think about your sweetie when your sweetie is being sweet…but, putting each other first is probably most important when your sweetie least ‘deserves’ it….it’s also the hardest time to do it, and requires tremendous discipline and maturity…it tests the commitment that you made to stick by each other through everything back when there was nothing but sweet times…I am so thankful that we were already in the habit of putting each other first when hard times hit…and they do for EVERY marriage…there were many many days when I had to force myself to think about dad’s comfort and happiness, because I was angry or resentful or tired….but, it kept things going forward when things easily could have gone backward…

There’s really no way around it, for a marriage to be successful and fulfilling, there are many many times when you have to do whatever it takes to put your spouse’s happiness first…in fact, depending on the kind of marriage you want to have…putting your spouse first is an absolute, in my experience. I know this sounds old fashioned and maybe a little repressive…it’s funny how it really is more freeing than anything…

What does it really mean to put your sweetheart first? Well, it might mean letting him pick the movie you go to, or the restaurant…not just because you know next time he’ll let you pick, but because you want to make him happy. It might mean leaving the peas out of the vegetable soup even if you like them in there…and, it will also mean much more difficult things…sacrifices….for me, it has meant passing up on many opportunities that would have kept dad and I apart too much, it has meant twisting the bread bag 5 times and putting the twist-tie on tightly every time I get a slice of bread…then buttering his toast from edge to edge….it has meant biting my tongue when he wears weird shirts….then kissing him like I love his shirt….

It means different things to every marriage…but it means the same thing, too…it means just being willing to always go from “I” to “we” and making that your #1 goal every day…marriage is a LOT of work…but, the reward is so much bigger than the work….

Just remember, if you want the happiest marriage that ever existed…always put the happiness and comfort of your spouse ahead of your own…it’s always YOUR choice to do that…it doesn’t mean that you are being a doormat or being weak…it means that you are making a promise that will take more strength than you can imagine…so, in reality…it PROVES your strength and exercises your choice…..

I know you can do it…you will love each other enough, and even when you feel like you don’t….practicing this every day will make you remember that you really really do.

All of My Love
Mom

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Just try to do this FOR ONE WHOLE WEEKEND, give it a try! You'll be amazed at what happens!

Have a great weekend!
Lots of Love
Melody

We Might Wobble, But We Don't Stay Down.....

August 23, 2006
Expect Miracles

We Might Wobble, But We Don't Stay Down....

“Love works in miracles every day: such as weakening the strong, and strengthening the weak; making fools of the wise, and wise men of fools; favouring the passions, destroying reason, and in a word, turning everything topsy-turvy.” -Marguerite De Valois

Do you know what is a miracle to me? What people make it through.....

Life sometimes hands out blows that seem inconcievably harsh....and, you sure can tell a lot about a person when you see how they handle those blows. I have seen people make it through so much sorrow and hardship and disappointment...and just hop back up and keep going.....maybe through tear-filled eyes, and with scraped-up knees, but they get up and keep moving......life made 'em wobble, but they didn't fall down.....

And...I really believe that we are all like Weebles...remember those? I remember the commercials about this toy when I was a kid....and then we got some for Christmas....and it amazed me that no matter what you did, how hard you tried to get them to lay down or stay down.....they would always pop back up and upright.....

Once we taped their heads to the floor with masking tape....just to get them to stay down....but, as soon as we took the tape off...BLOOP...there they were!!! back upright!!!....wobbling then settling into a straight upright position........

I know for sure that things happen in life that tape me to the ground....but my Spirit still has everything in it to stand straight up......pointing towards Heaven....no matter what happens, how much things get to wobbling, I'll never stay down.....and, neither will you.....we are just not made that way....we are made to always get back up. There's always that something inside of us that we can dig deep for that will make us BLOOOOOP right back up when anything and everything tries to hold us down.

Remember that...don't ever forget it....please don't let me forget it, either.

Hope You're Having a Great DAY!
Lots of Love-
Melody

What are YOU Afraid Of?

August 22, 2006
What Are YOU Afraid Of?

In spite of doing it lots and lots of times, and really enjoying it once I get rolling…I am really quite terrified of public speaking. But, it’s just one of those things that I feel more and more a sort of a ‘calling’ to do…because whenever I bite-the-bullet and just do it…there’s always one or two people in the audience who end up being a part of my life in such an enormous and compelling way that it couldn’t have been just a coincidence….and so….I continue to walk on to the stage….terrified….and I do what I preach others to do…I tell my stories…and hope that there’s someone out there who connects with them in the way that was intended…

So now, I am getting public-speaking coaching….because I have nervous habits on stage…I grind my toe into the floor and I rub the tips of my fingers into my palms…and I say “uh” and “um” way too much….and I don’t know quite how to begin or end my speeches so that it’s not awkward for me or for my audience….and I absolutely don’t know yet how to talk without a podium…..

But, every time I speak I get more invitations to speak in other places, and I gulp and accept them….because I really do want to get good at this…and I get emails and notes and letters and phonecalls from people who say that my ordinary old stories about my ordinary old life made up of extraordinary moments, made them feel like their ordinary old life might just be full of extraordinary moments that help them to put the pieces of their life’s puzzle together….and THAT is totally worth the pounding heart nervousness and fear….because THAT is what I really want….for people to tell their stories and ask others to tell theirs.

And….gulp….I just found out that one of my very first speeches is video streamed onto one of my associate’s websites! I have never seen myself speak before…so watching this video was almost as terrifying as walking up those stairs and over to the podium…..but, here it is….

What are you afraid of??? If I can do this…so can you…..overcome your fears!!!

www.business.indiplex.com

Who Wants A Free Book?

August 22, 2006
Success And Goals That Matter

****LOOKS LIKE WE'RE DONE!...sorry if you missed it! We'll do something like this again soon!*****

Telling Our Stories...

So, one of my life's goals...and I take it very seriously...is to get people to understand the power of their personal stories....and so, this Fall, just like I told you, I am focusing on finishing my book about it.....I thought it would be great if we could chat about it on Mondays....so....anyone who responds to this post, and wants to make a commitment to writing down at least ONE of your stories and ONE story from someone else you love....I will send you a copy of my book "Instant Interviews" .......it is full of hundreds of questions to help you find and remember the details of your stories...and to draw them out in others....simply respond to this and then I'll have someone email you back for your address and we'll send a copy of my favorite pretty little book out to you!!!!

I hope you'll join me! I can't wait to get this book done for myself....but, also to see what other miracles happen in everyone else's lives as we draw these stories out!!!

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FIRST 100 PEOPLE ONLY!!!! ---hurry hurry hurry! Only 100 people get the books!

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Today's post....coming soon!
Lots of Love
Melody

ps...LOVE LOVE LOVED reading your answers to the ten questions below! awesome! thanks for participating!

GOOD & HAPPY THINGS....

August 20, 2006

Counting Our Blessings
GOOD AND HAPPY THINGS…
I just needed a good swift kick in the butt…yep, that’s what I needed…that’s what we all need sometimes….you see, I’ve been in quite a mood….a mood that I’d rather not admit to ever being in…

Is anyone else going crazy right now with school starting and all of the work to get everyone ready and kids and moms with cabin fever? Ok, play me a tune on the violin….I am totally feeling sorry for myself…time to snap out of it!!!!

…ok, so…..then I found my camera, which I had misplaced a few weeks ago…and, because of my mood, hadn’t cared much anyway. I never even knew I had it in me to be such a grouch….And….even though things are happening in life that “I didn’t sign up for…” I sure have a tremendous amount of blessings to be thankful for…we all do. I found 327 images from JUST the last 6 weeks that contained a lifetime of happy memories…we all have so much that can take our breath away if we take time to really look into all that we’ve got going for ourselves…..

Let’s do this together…and count our blessings today….I am going to ask 10 questions, then I hope you’ll copy and paste them back into your comments (you can pick the questions you want to do if there’s too many….)…it’s always great to read about everyone else’s blessings to help us remember our own….

1. What was the best thing that happened in your life this week?
2. What did you learn this week that you couldn’t have learned otherwise?
3. Who touched your heart unexpectedly?
4. Who went out of their way to make you smile this week?
5. What did YOU do to make a difference in someone else’s life?
6. What did you find out you were good at this week?
7. What goal did you make this week?
8. List 5 people who adore you….
9. List something you are looking forward to….
10. What’s the yummiest thing you had to eat in the last 24 hours?








1. What was the best thing that happened in your life this week?

A couple of things:
My family and friends were all here on Saturday for my niece, Chelsea’s baby shower! Hudson will be here in 2 weeks or less…he’s my parent’s first great-grandchild and I'm his great-Auntie!!

2. What did you learn this week that you couldn’t have learned otherwise?

That question is worded in a weird way…but, oh well…you know what I mean!!!….well, I am learning every single day what I put my parents through when I was a teenager…because my 15 year old son is putting me through the ringer right now…emotional boxing gloves…it seems I am now the most strict and lame mother, ever…...”Mom, I am not even going to take that comment seriously….”

3. Who touched your heart unexpectedly?
My husband…I hate to jinx it…but he is doing really really good right now….first time in months…he took off in his truck and came back with my favorite ‘sinless’ ice cream from Coldstone…I was really freaked-out…maybe, just maybe….I’m not going to get my hopes up yet…but, it’s been almost 10 days since he started his new medicine and every day he gets a little more like himself…I am crossing my fingers and continuing to be surprised by tiny things I used to take for granted.

4. Who went out of their way to make you smile this week?
My niece, Kallie, came in a day early from out of state to help me get my house ready for my other niece, Chelsea’s, baby shower….she did all sorts of fun and funny things when she got here, and she pointed out all sorts of funny and fun things that I have been overlooking lately in my grouchiness…and helped me clean the house up and down and all-around and played with the kids…and she is so hilarious….nobody makes me laugh like she does. (that’s her with the balloons for the shower)

5. What did YOU do to make a difference in someone else’s life?
Well, I used to be the queen of throwing parties…but the last few years I just haven’t done it…I had the opportunity to have my niece’s baby shower at my house and it was really nice to decorate and get the house ready and have everyone over and honor her because I love her so much….I am going to start having parties again really soon…and I have to say that my sisters did all of the food…I just decorated…that’s sort of how our life is…I decorate…they cook……I am so thankful that they put up with me. My sister showed up with a big box of stuff to cook and just went for it…and all of the little girls had so much fun, too...painting nails out on the back porch....

6. What did you find out you were good at this week?
I had forgotten how resourceful and creative I am…I made lots of great decorations for the bridal shower out of scrapbooking stuff…(check out the cardstock cursive name I cut out for the cake...and all of the paper doilies I cut out from 12x12...)

7. What goal did you make this week?
Well, I regret to admit that I fell off the wagon a few weeks ago when it comes to sugar and carbs and everything bad that tastes really good….I went for almost a month without being able to eat anything…no appetite…then, it turned into eating everything bad that I could find….so, tomorrow I begin again…no sugar, no eating after 6…fresh foods and high quality protein…ugh….I hate falling off the wagon.

8. List 5 people who adore you….
My husband….most of my kids (and I am confident that even my teenager will love me again someday)….my parents

9. List something you are looking forward to….
My trip to South Africa in a few weeks!

10. What’s the yummiest thing you had to eat in the last 24 hours?
Oh…geeeeez…..Pad Thai at Justin’s birthday party last night…yummmm…I could live on Thai food…if they had crème brulee for dessert!

C'MON! Answer the 10 questions! It will be fun!

A Perfectly Imperfect Love Story

August 19, 2006
Relationship Solutions & Juggling Breakables

Our Perfectly Imperfect Love Story

Happy Saturday, Everyone!!!

I am doing a double post today because I skipped yesterday and my mind is on my marriage...it's my most important relationship and the most important thing I juggle.....AND, because I found a book last night in my hard drive that I started writing for my children and I really want to finish it....so, for the next month or so, on Relationship Friday, I am going to post another chapter of this book..........I am starting here...it helps me to commit. I also know that there's a lot of people out there who are struggling with their marriages...for a whole bunch of different reasons....and, whatever I've learned, I'd love to share with you. I am 16 years into my marriage now, and we have had so many ups and downs that I've been forced into learning a kajillion lessons...even if this just helps one marriage to remember how much you love each other....it's worth it for me to share it.........I am just copying and pasting straight from the document I started writing to my children....so, the dates are wrong...and my husband didn't stay 'well' after I wrote this, so I have to do some modifying....but.....my goal is that some of you or all of you will start writing something like this for YOUR own children......

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November 2005

To My Children, Brock, Malary, Madi, Max & Mitch
With Love from Mom

Our Perfectly Imperfect Love Story

I met Dad when I was 18 and a senior in high school. He was 22 and had just returned from his mission in Australia…he came into my life unexpectedly and from out of nowhere. An invisible 1000 person choir sang through the clouds and glitter sprinkled everywhere the minute our eyes met…it was one of those unforgettably sweet love stories. I adored his black wavy hair, his huge smile and his olive skin, but I was especially moved by the sparkling light that was in his eyes…in spite of my big career plans and my vow to not marry until I was 30, when I met your dad, I knew I couldn’t let him go because I’d never meet another person like him…and to this day, I haven’t.

I’m not sure that I know of two people who love each other more than your Dad and I do. If you asked anyone who was around when our lives collided, they would tell you that it was like an old fashioned fairy tale, he just swept me off of my feet. We were sickeningly in love and silly-happy from the moment we said goodbye after our first date. Everything changed for me that day when I shut the door behind him. I knew that I’d just met someone that I’d never be able to forget…and I really hoped that I wouldn’t ever have to, thank goodness I didn’t.

Now, there are a lot of sweet and funny stories about Dad and I, about when we first met and how things went when we were dating…about our wedding and our honeymoon and our dirt-poor beginnings. Those stories are important, but the most important message I want to pass on to you is what it has taken to have a happy, productive and rewarding marriage. I believe that your marriage is the earthly relationship with the most impact on the rest of your existence…the decisions that you make concerning who you will spend your eternity with and how you will forever treat that person are the most critical decisions that you will ever make.

We have been married for 15 years now and life has changed a lot. Things haven’t always been a perfect fairy tale…sometimes things were a happy and exciting fairy tale and sometimes a very sad fairy tale…things have not been perfect, but they have been perfect for us. I have changed a lot and dad has changed a lot, we are essentially different people than we were when we met. We grew together, through the promise we made to do so. As young as we were, we had a lot of growing up to do, a lot of figuring out to do, a lot of decisions to make and a lot of sacrificing and compromising to do. We still do! We hit a lot of bumps in the road, but we were always in the same wagon. Getting on a different wagon, going ahead or taking a turn without each other was out of the question, it always was and it always will be.

I don’t know how much you’ll remember about everything that has happened in the last 18 months, but I hope that you were able to put some things in your heart that will impact the way you handle challenges that will inevitably come up in your marriages in the future. Before Dad had his accident in 2004, life was a lot different. I was young, naïve and inexperienced when we got married. I’d never been on an airplane, I’d never lived away from home, I’d never had a checking account or paid my own bills. I’d never been responsible for a household. Dad was so protective and loving and just took very good care of me, watched out for me and made sure I always had what I needed…for all of those years…even when I started my own business, he quit his job so that he could help me. Before Dad got sick last year, I had never even put gas in my own car, I never even had to think about it, he just always did it for me. I certainly have done and learned a lot of things, but I didn’t know the first thing about living my life without my husband. Dad has always been what my world revolved around.

It’s been a very hard year. Dad and I have both learned so much about unconditional, Christ-like love, and a whole lot about pain too. There was a time, when we first fell in love and in the beginning of our marriage, when I knew for sure that no matter what happened, it would be easy to stay in love and that as long as we were together, we could get through anything. I still believe that is true. One thing that I never, ever considered, was what we would do if something happened that made it so that we really couldn’t walk through life together. I never even considered that a situation like that could exist! Heavenly Father knows where we need to grow, and I guess He knew that since we were doing so well together hand-in-hand, it might be strengthening for us, especially for me, to have to travel alone for a while.

Now that things are starting to even out, and dad is doing so much better, I have taken the opportunity to really reflect. I have learned so many things from this challenge, and I know dad has too. I love your dad so much, I love him in a way that there are no words to describe. Making my way through life last year, essentially alone, was the most terrifying, lonely and excruciatingly painful experience I could have ever even thought-up for a person…let alone lived through. We would do anything for each other, and thankfully, we had 14 years of a 99% joyful marriage under our belts before being thrust into that fire. I don’t know how we would have survived it otherwise.

There are 7 things that I identified, as I thought through this, that have been important factors in the success of our marriage.

• Putting each other first, cleaving to each other, and none else
• Never giving up
• Making time to have fun together
• Team parenting
• Cheerfully letting each other be who we are
• Supporting each other in personal pursuits
• Being happy with what we have and not living above our means

PUTTING EACH OTHER FIRST
When I look back on the last 15 years, I can see so many decisions that were made

What has made the biggest difference?
Just making the decision that splitting up would NEVER be an option, that we’d make this work, no matter what…no matter how hard things got or if we changed or if our feelings changed, we’d always do whatever it takes to be happy together and to create a life together and to raise our family together…and to be grandparents together. “Divorce” is a swear word to us…never an option or even a word that makes it past our lips.
I have a very clear picture in my mind of dad and I sitting together on the porch with our grandchildren…rocking our baby grandchildren and playing with the rest of them, of dad giving them tractor rides and of me planting and picking flowers with them…with your children….of being the kind of Grandparents that will be able to influence their lives in positive, joyful ways…of providing a wonderful, nurturing, fun environment with two grandparents who love each other deeply and who lived their whole lives for the days they would spend with their grandchildren. That is a picture that keeps me going strong every day.

*********A PHOTO OF OLD PEOPLE TOGETHER…this is what I want.
-the examples that we have…our grandparents, etc.

What are some things NOT to do?
Don’t bring up the past, when something is done, let it be done. Forgive and then really forget. Don’t think about it, don’t hold it over the other person’s head. Life is too short to spend a single moment being angry about something that you can’t change…it already happened, and once it’s been discussed it’s time to drop it. It’s a lot easier to make your next minute as happy as possible, even when you were really mad 5 minutes ago…it’s REALLY silly to be mad about something that happened 5 days ago, or 5 months ago, or 5 years ago!! Drop it and move on to making things better every day.

Don’t discuss their weaknesses over and over again. Most people are very aware of their weaknesses and don’t need to be reminded of them…focus on solutions and what you can do to help them overcome them, or just DO what you can to help them to overcome their weaknesses without ever talking about it, compensate for them. Marriage is about making up for each other’s weaknesses anyway, about filling in voids and gaps.

We made a promise to each other before we got married that no matter how heated any discussion ever got, we would NEVER call each other names, ever. After 15 years, we have never broken this promise to each other. I see couples doing this all the time, even in joking ways, and I know it hurts…even if mean spirited words are said while kidding around, and especially during a fight and then apologized for, they are never forgotten…it is just better to never say hurtful things in the first place.

What are little things that you do all the time that make a big difference?
Going to bed at the same time and talking
Dates
Making a pact to never call each other any names, even while ‘joking’
Try not to raise voices
Say I love you whenever we say goodbye
Hug and kiss whenever we see each other
Sit together in church, at restaurants, on the couch
Hold hands
Bring a favorite treat
Stick up for each other always

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More to come next week.........

Lots of love to you all.....and I wish you all your own perfectly imperfect love story....
Have a great weekend,
Melody

p.s. I have a few friends going through very painful, very justified divorces right now....please know that there's also really good reasons to NOT stay in a marriage....but, that staying in them, and being happy, if that's what the right choice is...is totally possible...and very wonderful.....

A Quick Way To Stop a Meltdown!!!.....

August 17, 2006
Taking Care of Ourselves

Ever feel like you're about to have a meltdown and really misbehave? I saw this headline today.....and thought...Oh, I need that! I am all-too-often on the verge of melting down and misbehaving!

"Hug Your Child - Quick Way to Stop Meltdowns and Misbehavior"

Oh! Oh? You mean my CHILD'S meltdown and misbehavior???....oh well, it worked for me....I hugged my kids and I was much more controllable...for sure.

More from this article....

Hugs Are a Parent's Secret Weapon

They stop misbehavior, moodiness, meltdowns
Hugs are a great way to show love and affection for your child. But when your little one is acting jumpy, emotional, or out of control, they can do much more than that. A good hard hug, with lots of squeezing to the trunk and shoulders, can provide some powerful sensory input to a disorganized child and help restore feelings of calm and control.

So, yesterday I got to spend the day with my newly 6 year old son...it's what he wanted for his birthday....to hang out with his mom all day......I could hardly believe that 6 years ago I was in the hospital...after two weeks of drinking castor oil, jumping on the trampoline, going for walks with one foot on the curb and one on the street (a mother of 10 gave me that advice to start labor...didn't work) and wild 4-wheeling rides in the foothills.....none of it worked....although, every single night I would call my nieces and tell them that they needed to spend the night because I was FOR SURE going to have this baby tonight...and, they would go upstairs and I would stay on the couch and in the morning...they'd tiptoe down to see if I"d gone to the hospital the night before...and no....I hadn't....and finally, I got induced on August 16th in the sweltering heat....and Max was born....

...and this kid LOVES to hug...and he loves me......so much. Today marks the one year anniversary of a lifechange that I made on the day after his birthday last year......He told me a few days before his birthday that all he wanted for his birthday was for me to be there when he wakes up...to be waiting for him to wake up and to say "HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAX!" as soon as I saw him that morning.

......I'd been working a lot and that's really really really all that he wanted....so, I did that, and he could NOT STOP SMILING that I was there waiting for him to wake up.....and then, I decided that I was going to start coming home from the office earlier.....so....for about a year now, I do everything that I can to get home by 3pm and I've been doing a pretty darned good job all year.

.....my two little boys hug me constantly...constantly. I think it must keep me sane and keep me from misbehaving and having a meltdown......I know it sure feels good...it sure helps a lot....

So...in the spirit of TAKING CARE OF OURSELVES, I hope you'll grab a child, preferably yours, and definitely one that you love and who loves you....and give 'em a nice tight squeeze, and don't let go until you feel your stress melting away..........what a great remedy! Both the hugger and the huggee get to experience something that will change the course of their day.

WIsh I could give you a hug right now! I gotta go track down 5 kids of varying willingness to recieve hugs!

Have a great day! Hope you're remembering to TAKE CARE OF YOU!!!!
Lots of Love,
Melody