Melody's Sofa

So...I gave in....

December 9, 2006
Juggling Breakables

So....I gave in.... When Uncle Bob and Aunt Bonnie were here a few weeks ago, and we took them to the airport....before they left they gave us some bucks and said..."do something fun with the kids...." So, one of the things that the kids have always asked is if THEY could pick the decorations that go on the tree....
Max for SURE wanted to have garland....and Malary wanted fun & colorful lights.......you must understand....I am a WHITE LIGHT kind of a girl....I always have been.......but, you know what? This tree is fun.....and it is growing on me.....even more of taboo for me, is this tinsely, fluffy garland.....I always hated it....always SWORE that I would never, EVER have it in my house or on my tree.....but, you gotta know Max.....
and how much thought he puts into things.....and how his heart gets REALLY set on things.....REALLY set.....and how much it meant to him to be able to go to the store and pick out fluffy garland...finally
and wild and crazy little Mitchell loved this star...it's a lot like him, sparkly and fun.......seriously...I SERIOUSLY have this star on my tree....and guess what, it makes us all happy!!! I love that I let the kids pick everything this year.....kids have a way of bringing fun and blissful-heartness to stuff....I NEVER would have chosen this stuff......but, every time I look at this tree, it makes me happy.....
....and everyone else around here too.

SO....I know how it is, believe me...wanting the whole holiday thing to have some kind of Norman Rockwell perfection....but GIVE IN A LITTLE!!! You will be so glad that you did!!!

Juggle the Holidays with Joy & Happiness.....and let the kids do some of the juggling too!

Lots of Love,
Melody

PS...Brock set up the tree for me....an adventure that neither of us will ever forget...and Madi? Well, this whole tree is 100% Madi!

Go Get Those Peaches.....

October 7, 2006
Catching Up.....

When I was just a girl, my mom would send me down to the sheetrocked-but-not-painted room underneath the stairs where all of her canned peaches and pickles and buckets of whole wheat and year’s supply of sugar were, and she would ask me to bring up a bottle of something…and I would head down those stairs…

…and at the top of the stairs my imagination started to run wild…I would feel like someone was following me…and I would make up all of the details in my mind to the point that I was so afraid that I would RUN all the way down the stairs that seemed to stretch for a mile…and turn the corner as fast as I could, then peek back around the corner and up the stairs…huffing and puffing…to make sure that some scary thing or person was not chasing me….then, I’d catch my breath and remember that I’d forgotten what I was coming downstairs for…and I’d have to yell up the stairs…”Mom? What did I come down here for?” And she, being only a few feet away from the stairs door, in the kitchen, would peek her head around…slightly exasperated but completely expecting the question…and say…”bring up 2 bottles of pears for dinner….” And I’d head into the dark room, pull the string attached to the lightbulb, and imagine once again all of the scary things that could be behind the jars of tomatoes and extra boxes of Wheat Chex and back-up tubs of peanut butter…

….and that sort of sums things up...I fear things that do not exist, and things that do, too. I wish I didn’t have so many many fears…but, I do…and fear is painful and debilitating and energy-sucking…so you gotta find something that is bigger than it is….

“Devote today to something so daring even you can’t believe you’re doing it.”
-Oprah Winfrey

Here’s the deal…..my fears make me a little mad, but…I still keep getting up and cultivating these dreams and goals and the fire inside of the very center of me, the same fire that I was born with…that I did not put there…. that burns with so much intensity that it overpowers the fear…and it walks along-side it, and along-side me and the three of us just do the scary thing anyway…asking for God to come along too…to show us the way….and that nagging old fear suddenly stops screaming and says “oh, that wasn’t so bad….”

“The way to develop self-confidence is to do the thing you fear and get a record of successful experiences behind you.”
William Jennings Bryan

“Self-confidence gives you the freedom to make mistakes and cope with failure without feeling that your world has come to an end or that you are a worthless person.”
Unknown

So, I was sitting in the airport this week, alone….just sitting there, on a layover, pulled out my laptop and accidentally hit the button that shows the camera that is on my screen….and, right there, I saw a live picture of myself, talking on the phone taking care of a big scary thing…alone in this airport in Florida…where I had just flown into yesterday and where I was flying home today…where I got in a cab, alone…did my thing on TV, spent some short but heavenly time with friends, and got back in the cab to the airport…alone again. Here I was on this screen….a surreal moment…like Heaven was saying…”hey, Melody…you need to look at this….”


This same girl who used to be afraid to go down into her own family basement alone….and….there I was on that screen….and I saw what was happening….there I was….doing what needed to be done…and the sun was shining in a way that showed me that I am definitely 35 years old…or will be in a few weeks….I am getting wrinkles and my forehead is creased with the questions I am constantly asking in my head and heart…..and I looked….fearless…and exhausted….and I had a little moment with myself…did the kindest thing I could think of to do…and said “you go, girl….you keep on going…you can do this…”

“Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life; everyone must carry out a concrete assignment that demands fulfillment. Therein he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated, thus, everyone's task is unique as his specific opportunity.
Victor Frankl

“The only failure a man ought to fear is failure in cleaving to the purpose he sees to be best.”
T.S. Eliot

I have learned something by watching the lives of others…and then by jumping into the pool of painful progression myself…..I have learned that when something really good and powerful, something with pure intent and truth wrapped all the way around and cream-filled with it, too…..when something that good is being diligently worked towards….there’s some kind of darkness that tries to stop it….

There really is…I really believe that…I know it from experience.

That when there’s a beautiful message to be shared…there will be opposition….when there’s powerful positive influences to be made…there will be opposition….that when people try to shake things up and make them better and remind people of the PURE way that God sees them, sees all of us…sees our journey….there will be opposition. There will be some kind of hand swiping to knock things down…there will be discouragement and fear and hardship and tests beyond perceived capacity….this I know.

“I believe one of the hardest things you can do is conquer your fears, but if you have a goal, then it's your job to open up and let it be real no matter how scary it seems.”
Tori Amos

“Do the one thing you think you cannot do. Fail at it. Try again. Do better the second time. The only people who never tumble are those who never mount the high wire. This is your moment. Own it.”
Oprah Winfrey

Just when I thought things couldn’t get much harder…they did. I got beat with several proverbial baseball bats this week, run over by several trucks and dragged behind a few off-road vehicles, too….trying so hard to put the things together that I KNOW that my life is being led to…taking my family places that I know we are supposed to go…helping people that I KNOW I am supposed to help…………..connecting with people that I KNOW I need to learn from and seeking things that I KNOW I need to find……

….and…it is so hard….and, I am so tired……and the darkness is trying SO hard to put the light out….but, every day, I get up and say a prayer of thanks that I made it another day….at the same time that I am saying “oh no, here goes another day…..” ha ha ha ha….

….and, I just take it on….praying every 10 minutes to know the way.

“Too often we are scared, scared of what we might not be able to do, scared of what people might think if we tried, we let our fears stand in the way of our hopes. Why? There's really no time to be afraid. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Everything!”
Unknown

Because things are making more sense than ever….everything we’ve been through in the last few years is making sense…I am seeing it’s purpose…my family is seeing it’s purpose…..and, the plans that are being laid out before me are so much bigger than anything I ever could have designed or dreamed up and much more complicated than anything I could ever build…but they are there…just like they are there for you….we all have a purpose……we are all here for a reason….we gotta go find it and live it and hold hands with our fear and keep walking…..

“What God intended for you goes far beyond anything you can imagine.”
Oprah Winfrey

This morning I had one of the most important meetings of my life….the beginning of incredible things….I woke up this morning with the pounding headache that hadn’t gone away from yesterday…I grabbed my laptop from beside my bed…where I’d left it the night before…and the screen camera came up again…..and there I was….and I looked the way I felt and thought…I CAN NOT GO to this meeting….I am afraid…who do I think I am? WHO AM I TO GO AND THINK I CAN DO SOMETHING THIS BIG?.....and I spent another while trying really hard to talk myself out of it…………

Then…I brushed my teeth….pulled on my cowboy hat (perfect for a bad hair day)……….grabbed hands with my fear and said….”let’s go sweetheart…..”

……………..and it is true……the things that God has planned for us are so much bigger and so far beyond anything that we could ever imagine……I can not believe what happened in my life today…..I absolutely can not believe how my whole life is starting to make sense…how carefully God looks out for us….how He has such a perfectly staged plan……

….for all of us. I have proof and so do you. Let the opposition come…the bigger it is, the closer you are getting….that’s what I am noticing….the more the darkness is paying attention to you…the more it is afraid of your light……go and do it….do it anyway……

and here I am, asking again….

“Mom, what did I come down here for???” LOL…..

gotta go grab those peaches….

Lots of love to you all….I’ll be back really soon.
Melody

End of Summer Family Fun!!!

August 26, 206
Juggling Breakables

IT'S TIME FOR FAMILY FUN!!
SUMMER IS ALMOST OVER!!!

Here's a list of really fun things that I found on an Australian website....I love the lingo...some of it I can't figure out...but there's a lot of really good ideas in here for ways to make the most of the rest of the summer....make it a great family day!

In your own backyard or neighbourhood
1. Make home-made kites to fly during summer
2. Play Frisbee in the backyard
3. Teach your dog how to heel, sit, lie-down, stay and come to you !!! Then take him/her for a walk in one of the dog exer-
cise areas... and see if he can obey you away from home!
4. Make a homemade billycart then find a safe place to do time trials or races (use correct safety gear including helmets
5. Locate a great picnic spot and make the food to go in the hamper for a picnic the next day
6. Look through the old toy box and re-discover Totem Tennis, table tennis and other games you may have stored away
7. Borrow 2 racquets and teach your children how to play tennis at the local court
8. Learn how to play 1 on 1 basketball at the local court {or get 6 people for a game of 3 on 3}
9. Take a walk at dusk with your children to see how many “after dark” animals you can find in your neighbourhood
10.Run a mock Olympic’s for the neighbourhood children
11. Make stilts from cans and string
12.Plan a scavenger hunt
13.Phone your local sport and recreation centres and find out what activities they offer and how you and your children can try
them

Go to the Beach
Remember to Slip, Slop, Slap AND always watch children who are playing near water!!!
14.Have a sandcastle competition
15.Learn how to swim safely in the surf...Ask your local surf club for details
16.Learn how to body surf or boogie board
17. Go scavenging for shells along with other bits and pieces...then make a beach mobile!
18.Learn to how to fish or net for “tiddlies or whitebait”
19.Find out which beaches allow dogs, and take the dog for a walk on the beach (take a bag for any droppings)
20.Beach cricket (or Tipperty Run, or French Cricket)
21.Beach soccer
22.Beach touch rugby
23.Modify other games for children to play
24.Play catches OR tag
25.Set up a treasure hunt complete with treasure maps and treasure
26.Fly your home-made kite
27.Play volley ball with a big beach-ball over a rope between 2 poles - in or out of the water
28.Play Frisbee Golf (trying to get the Frisbee in to the bin, hole or similar)
29.Find a quiet corner to try a spot of snorkelling
30.Stage the Summer Olympics...Long jump, running races, hurdles over sand humps...

Go to the bush
Careful not to get lost... Stick to the tracks!!!
31.Ask your local council about the walking trails in your area...then go exploring!
32.Make a list of great spots for picnics then visit them... take the cricket bat or footy along!
33.Learn how to read a map... Then make a map which shows a safe bike route to school or a friends place
34.See if you can sneak up on rabbits at twilight
35.Take a book about the stars to the bush in the early evening. Try to find the different constellations
36.Play hide and seek in a set area - careful not to venture outside the boundaries - its easy to get lost in the bush!!!
37.Use a library book to help you identify the bird life or flora on your wanders
38.Go tad-poling! Locate them then watch them change each week!
39.Mountain bike down a local mountain if tracks are suitable

Go to the City
40.Find out if there are any historical walk maps you can follow
41.Find out if there are any special activities for children in the parks during the holidays
42.Find out if there are any other activities for children during the holidays
43.Take a walk around the Museum
44.Take a picnic lunch to the park - invite a friend who works in the city to join you
45.Go for a walk around the Botanical Gardens
65 Fun Things to Do with Your Family
Teach your children how to play by helping them with the following (cheap) activities during the school holidays...
Go to the River
Choose spots for river activities carefully. Ensure that there is very little current and the water is only knee deep... Ensure whoever
is watching the children can swim and knows CPR.
• Find out if there is a bike track around the river then:
46.Bike it
47.Roller-blade it
48.Walk it
49.Learn how to fish using a branch, cat-gut, a hook and sinker!
50.Make paper / wooden boats and race them down a shallow stream (careful not to fall in). Walnut shells with plasticine to stick a tooth-
pick and paper sail in work well too!
Go to the Pool
Make sure there are lifeguards on duty and that your children know how deep they are allowed to go! Always watch children
carefully near water Keep a careful watch!
51. Learn how to swim using a variety of strokes
52.Learn how to dive from the diving board
53.Play chasing games that you play on land in the pool..... tag, chain tag, tag across the pool with the catchers in the middle
54.Diving for objects - (make sure the objects are clean and appropriate for pool use)
55.Topsi-Turvi Swimming Races - using 2 different strokes{(butterfly legs with breast-stroke arms OR dog-paddle arms with breast-stroke
legs}
56.Handstands competitions in the water
Go to the Parks
57.Study the habits of the local ant colony
58.Go netting for butterflies then draw them before releasing them - remember not to touch them
59.Learn how to play life-sized chess (or chequers using chess pieces) in the park
60.Learn how to skateboard at the local skate park
61. Play “Hide and Seek “
62.Play “Sardines” (where 1 person hides, and as the other people find them, they hide with the person)
63.Make your own kite then fly it in the local parks
64.Learn to do handstands - then have a competition
65.Find out if Life. Be in it. are running any activities for children these holidays

Lots of Love
melody

A Perfectly Imperfect Love Story

August 19, 2006
Relationship Solutions & Juggling Breakables

Our Perfectly Imperfect Love Story

Happy Saturday, Everyone!!!

I am doing a double post today because I skipped yesterday and my mind is on my marriage...it's my most important relationship and the most important thing I juggle.....AND, because I found a book last night in my hard drive that I started writing for my children and I really want to finish it....so, for the next month or so, on Relationship Friday, I am going to post another chapter of this book..........I am starting here...it helps me to commit. I also know that there's a lot of people out there who are struggling with their marriages...for a whole bunch of different reasons....and, whatever I've learned, I'd love to share with you. I am 16 years into my marriage now, and we have had so many ups and downs that I've been forced into learning a kajillion lessons...even if this just helps one marriage to remember how much you love each other....it's worth it for me to share it.........I am just copying and pasting straight from the document I started writing to my children....so, the dates are wrong...and my husband didn't stay 'well' after I wrote this, so I have to do some modifying....but.....my goal is that some of you or all of you will start writing something like this for YOUR own children......

*************************************

November 2005

To My Children, Brock, Malary, Madi, Max & Mitch
With Love from Mom

Our Perfectly Imperfect Love Story

I met Dad when I was 18 and a senior in high school. He was 22 and had just returned from his mission in Australia…he came into my life unexpectedly and from out of nowhere. An invisible 1000 person choir sang through the clouds and glitter sprinkled everywhere the minute our eyes met…it was one of those unforgettably sweet love stories. I adored his black wavy hair, his huge smile and his olive skin, but I was especially moved by the sparkling light that was in his eyes…in spite of my big career plans and my vow to not marry until I was 30, when I met your dad, I knew I couldn’t let him go because I’d never meet another person like him…and to this day, I haven’t.

I’m not sure that I know of two people who love each other more than your Dad and I do. If you asked anyone who was around when our lives collided, they would tell you that it was like an old fashioned fairy tale, he just swept me off of my feet. We were sickeningly in love and silly-happy from the moment we said goodbye after our first date. Everything changed for me that day when I shut the door behind him. I knew that I’d just met someone that I’d never be able to forget…and I really hoped that I wouldn’t ever have to, thank goodness I didn’t.

Now, there are a lot of sweet and funny stories about Dad and I, about when we first met and how things went when we were dating…about our wedding and our honeymoon and our dirt-poor beginnings. Those stories are important, but the most important message I want to pass on to you is what it has taken to have a happy, productive and rewarding marriage. I believe that your marriage is the earthly relationship with the most impact on the rest of your existence…the decisions that you make concerning who you will spend your eternity with and how you will forever treat that person are the most critical decisions that you will ever make.

We have been married for 15 years now and life has changed a lot. Things haven’t always been a perfect fairy tale…sometimes things were a happy and exciting fairy tale and sometimes a very sad fairy tale…things have not been perfect, but they have been perfect for us. I have changed a lot and dad has changed a lot, we are essentially different people than we were when we met. We grew together, through the promise we made to do so. As young as we were, we had a lot of growing up to do, a lot of figuring out to do, a lot of decisions to make and a lot of sacrificing and compromising to do. We still do! We hit a lot of bumps in the road, but we were always in the same wagon. Getting on a different wagon, going ahead or taking a turn without each other was out of the question, it always was and it always will be.

I don’t know how much you’ll remember about everything that has happened in the last 18 months, but I hope that you were able to put some things in your heart that will impact the way you handle challenges that will inevitably come up in your marriages in the future. Before Dad had his accident in 2004, life was a lot different. I was young, naïve and inexperienced when we got married. I’d never been on an airplane, I’d never lived away from home, I’d never had a checking account or paid my own bills. I’d never been responsible for a household. Dad was so protective and loving and just took very good care of me, watched out for me and made sure I always had what I needed…for all of those years…even when I started my own business, he quit his job so that he could help me. Before Dad got sick last year, I had never even put gas in my own car, I never even had to think about it, he just always did it for me. I certainly have done and learned a lot of things, but I didn’t know the first thing about living my life without my husband. Dad has always been what my world revolved around.

It’s been a very hard year. Dad and I have both learned so much about unconditional, Christ-like love, and a whole lot about pain too. There was a time, when we first fell in love and in the beginning of our marriage, when I knew for sure that no matter what happened, it would be easy to stay in love and that as long as we were together, we could get through anything. I still believe that is true. One thing that I never, ever considered, was what we would do if something happened that made it so that we really couldn’t walk through life together. I never even considered that a situation like that could exist! Heavenly Father knows where we need to grow, and I guess He knew that since we were doing so well together hand-in-hand, it might be strengthening for us, especially for me, to have to travel alone for a while.

Now that things are starting to even out, and dad is doing so much better, I have taken the opportunity to really reflect. I have learned so many things from this challenge, and I know dad has too. I love your dad so much, I love him in a way that there are no words to describe. Making my way through life last year, essentially alone, was the most terrifying, lonely and excruciatingly painful experience I could have ever even thought-up for a person…let alone lived through. We would do anything for each other, and thankfully, we had 14 years of a 99% joyful marriage under our belts before being thrust into that fire. I don’t know how we would have survived it otherwise.

There are 7 things that I identified, as I thought through this, that have been important factors in the success of our marriage.

• Putting each other first, cleaving to each other, and none else
• Never giving up
• Making time to have fun together
• Team parenting
• Cheerfully letting each other be who we are
• Supporting each other in personal pursuits
• Being happy with what we have and not living above our means

PUTTING EACH OTHER FIRST
When I look back on the last 15 years, I can see so many decisions that were made

What has made the biggest difference?
Just making the decision that splitting up would NEVER be an option, that we’d make this work, no matter what…no matter how hard things got or if we changed or if our feelings changed, we’d always do whatever it takes to be happy together and to create a life together and to raise our family together…and to be grandparents together. “Divorce” is a swear word to us…never an option or even a word that makes it past our lips.
I have a very clear picture in my mind of dad and I sitting together on the porch with our grandchildren…rocking our baby grandchildren and playing with the rest of them, of dad giving them tractor rides and of me planting and picking flowers with them…with your children….of being the kind of Grandparents that will be able to influence their lives in positive, joyful ways…of providing a wonderful, nurturing, fun environment with two grandparents who love each other deeply and who lived their whole lives for the days they would spend with their grandchildren. That is a picture that keeps me going strong every day.

*********A PHOTO OF OLD PEOPLE TOGETHER…this is what I want.
-the examples that we have…our grandparents, etc.

What are some things NOT to do?
Don’t bring up the past, when something is done, let it be done. Forgive and then really forget. Don’t think about it, don’t hold it over the other person’s head. Life is too short to spend a single moment being angry about something that you can’t change…it already happened, and once it’s been discussed it’s time to drop it. It’s a lot easier to make your next minute as happy as possible, even when you were really mad 5 minutes ago…it’s REALLY silly to be mad about something that happened 5 days ago, or 5 months ago, or 5 years ago!! Drop it and move on to making things better every day.

Don’t discuss their weaknesses over and over again. Most people are very aware of their weaknesses and don’t need to be reminded of them…focus on solutions and what you can do to help them overcome them, or just DO what you can to help them to overcome their weaknesses without ever talking about it, compensate for them. Marriage is about making up for each other’s weaknesses anyway, about filling in voids and gaps.

We made a promise to each other before we got married that no matter how heated any discussion ever got, we would NEVER call each other names, ever. After 15 years, we have never broken this promise to each other. I see couples doing this all the time, even in joking ways, and I know it hurts…even if mean spirited words are said while kidding around, and especially during a fight and then apologized for, they are never forgotten…it is just better to never say hurtful things in the first place.

What are little things that you do all the time that make a big difference?
Going to bed at the same time and talking
Dates
Making a pact to never call each other any names, even while ‘joking’
Try not to raise voices
Say I love you whenever we say goodbye
Hug and kiss whenever we see each other
Sit together in church, at restaurants, on the couch
Hold hands
Bring a favorite treat
Stick up for each other always

*************************************************

More to come next week.........

Lots of love to you all.....and I wish you all your own perfectly imperfect love story....
Have a great weekend,
Melody

p.s. I have a few friends going through very painful, very justified divorces right now....please know that there's also really good reasons to NOT stay in a marriage....but, that staying in them, and being happy, if that's what the right choice is...is totally possible...and very wonderful.....

Domestically Challenged

Juggling Breakables
July 29, 2006

Domestically Challenged
Yesterday afternoon I came home and everyone needed to be fed. It has been weeks since we’ve really been grocery shopping, and although there’s lots of stuff in the cupboards, pantry and freezer….everyone was saying “there’s nothing to eat.”

I was thinking about how I grew up. I have no idea how my mom did it…but she stretched a small amount of money, day after day, into homecooked meals for 11 people. I remember there being times when money was really tight and we would say “there’s nothing to eat…” and an hour later, she’d whip out a full meal from scratch. At least once a week we had tuna casserole, and it was so good…and homemade bread and homemade soup and sometimes on Sunday, we even had potroast.

I, however, am domestically challenged. I have never embraced the Betty Crocker mentality. My culinary talents begin and end with a can opener and a pizza cutter…oh, and a phone…I know the phone numbers of every place that delivers.

Last night I had a beautiful breakthrough as I searched through the house for things to put together to make a meal for everyone without having to drive back into town and fight the traffic on the road and at the grocery store…besides, I’d love to have the resourceful talent of making something out of what seems like nothing…I’ve done it in almost every other area of my life…why am I so afraid of the kitchen?

So, I found a few leftover chicken breasts…I looked in the refrigerator drawer and found some garden cucumbers that my father-in-law had dropped off…under that, some tortillas…I searched a little further and found some sliced cheese. The kids kept saying they wanted me to go to the store and get stuff for tacos….but, this was getting fun….I made chicken and cheese quesadillas….malary wanted ham & cheese…and we had ham…and Marq wanted a grilled ham and cheese sandwich, and we had bread…and I peeled the cucumbers and everyone was happy.

Normally, I would have run to the store and found something really easy to make…and all of those groceries would have been tossed when they got too old. I am totally not good at grocery management.

…and they just wanted to be fed. And, they helped me put all of this stuff together and kept giving me ideas…and we had so much fun….and it all tasted so good…and none of it went to waste…and I even found more stuff that I can make tonight….

I loved nourishing my family. I LOVED IT. I loved sitting there, eating…like we do every night, but knowing that I provided them with this little slice of creativity and resourcefulness. There is so much joy in domesticity. I am going to really explore this more. I am going to start slow…but I’m going to see how much I can cut my grocery bill…my kids love to cook….they will help me.

Anyone who would be willing to send recipes…20 minutes or less…easy & simple ingredients…I would love it! I’ll let you know how this new addition to the juggling enhances our family life…I have a feeling it’s going to be great. I know this probably all sounds so simple and funny to you…but it’s something I’ve always struggled with…both the knowledge and the desire. I understand now, the joy that my mother found in cooking for us every night and the satisfaction of knowing she’d nourished us with her creativity.

Tell me about how mealtimes go at your house???

What Does it REALLY Take to Stay Married?

Juggling Breakables
July 15, 2006

What does it REALLY take to stay married?

Come on, let's be honest....marriage is really really really hard sometimes. I want you to answer that question up there....keeping in mind the juggling analogy...that marriage is thrown into your juggling every single day, if you are married, as it should be. But sometimes, marriages is a ball of light, it's a joy to juggle...and sometimes it's big iron anvil....how do you keep it in the air no matter what form or weight it takes?

I met the most gorgeous woman yesterday....Deby from Nashville....she had some kind of internal solar system that radiated through her skin and eyes....she absolutely inspired me on so many levels. She has been married for 31 years, and just looking at her for 30 seconds, I knew there were a thousand stories behind those 31 years....so, I asked her....like I always do. (you can learn something fascinating and life-changing from every single person you meet in life....) I asked her...'what's your secret for a successful marriage?' She said....3 things
1. We've stayed very good friends
2. We laugh all the time
3. We forgive each other all the time

Beautiful.

When I was a little girl, I was totally in love with my dad and my grandpa. My whole world revolved around them....then when I got a little older, I started dreaming up the husband I might have someday....someday meant when I was 30 or so....after art school and a huge career in NYC....well....then, when I was 18, that guy I'd dreamed up all my life showed up in my life....every single thing I'd dreamed up and a trillion things more...and he took my hand and told me, in all of his 22 years....that he'd just met the girl he'd dreamed up all of his life.............and before long, we couldn't fathom or survive the thought of spending one single day without each other....then, we got married....and I wasn't 30 yet....a while from it....in fact, on my 30th birthday, I was in the hospital with this dream guy giving birth to our 5th child. Life is funny....and surprising....and just as it should be.

I told you in this post

http://melodyross.typepad.com/my_weblog/2006/07/leaving_out_the.html

about the most difficult times we've had in our marriage, things we're still pacing ourselves through each day. I don't know if I told you that around 80% of marriages don't survive what happens in a brain injury....but we are and we did and we will. And, he is still that guy that I dreamed up and waited for my whole life, I am so completely head over heels for him. My heart is stretched, like silly putty, at this very moment between Florida and Idaho as I think if him just about every minute of the day.

But...

There's so many things I've had to do along the way....so many tokens I've chosen to trade for what I really wanted out of marriage.....I've had to sit an listen and try to be or act interested during LONG AND BORING explainations of exactly how our new vacuum works and how it is to be cleaned every 2.5 days. I've chosen to butter his toast from the very edge of one crust to the very edge of the next, without missing a single crumb...because that's how his mother did it and that's how he likes it...and heaven knows that's just about the only thing I can do to duplicate the perfection of his mother. I've sat through hundreds of movies that I'd never have chosen to watch. I've bitten my tongue approximately 3,729,418 times. I've supported, fearfully, all of his extreme sports, and taken him to the emergency room so many times that I've lost count, and tried not to show my embarrassment when they knew us by name...once telling us, "Mr. Ross, this is your 7th visit this year....we need to put your name on a plaque above one of the rooms so we know where to put you when you come in...." I've waved goodbye with a smile on my face when he goes out with his buddies and leaves me home with 2 babies.....I've inserted the earplugs in the nightstand when he snores just so we can still be next to each other at night...I've turned down countless opportunities because it would be too much time away from the life we've built and are building....I've forfeited the place where my car should park when it's snowing so that he can have the woodshop of his dreams. And, just like Deby...I've had to forgive him over and over and over again.

....and I could go on.....and on.....and on.........and I will have to go on and on and on.....and keep doing all of these things and more....but, first I have to think about the other side of things.....and the tokens he's traded for marital bliss....

He's bitten his tongue 6,729,284 times because my heart is tender and he is a perfectionist and I am a neurotic artist and he is an extremely analytical and organized person and I'm organizationally challenged and those combinations could easily make for many millions of hurtful words....but they haven't. He gave up his entire career 10 years ago to help me follow my dreams and make Chatterbox what it is today...even though it had nothing to do with any of his big dreams, except the one that has to do with a happy wife. He has followed me around and cleaned up the tornadoes that I leave in my creative frenzies. He's patiently choked down a lot of horrible and burnt food. He has sat through, and tried his very very hardest to comply, when I constantly ask..."how do you FEEL about this...or how does that FEEL....or what are your FEELINGS right now..." while trying really really really hard not to roll his eyes and to figure out how to talk about 'feelings'. He has tried to help me make sense of my insanely huge and crazy ideas and even if he doesn't really 'get' them, he tries really hard to help me make them a reality. He has told me he believes in me when it felt like he was the only person who did. He has loved me just the way I am and never asked me to change.....he has made me take time to have fun, planning every single detail so I just have to show up, when I am at the mercy of my work-a-holic-ism. And, just like Deby...he's had to forgive me over and over and over again.

And....most of all.....he is committed to making this work, no matter what.
There's no question about it...there's no other option in his mind, no easy-out clause.
We are in this together...forever. Me too.

Today's Question....
What has it taken for YOU to stay married? What does it take every day?

Tomorrow's Question...and hopefully an interview that will knock your socks off.......
WHY SHOULD I, YOU...WHY SHOULD WE STAY MARRIED??? so, think about it...but for now....

Today's Question is....
What has it taken for YOU to stay married? What does it take every day?

Lots of Love,
Melody

When You're Dizzy.....

Juggling Breakables
July 8, 2006

Sometimes I forget that I control the speed here. I am on a merry-go-round right now...you know, the old fashioned kind that they used to have in playgrounds before OSHA started yanking them out....too bad OSHA can't come and yank things out of our lives, one by one, when they are a health hazard!

Anyway, I am on a merry-go-round...and I KNOW you know what I mean....just picture it...there's grass and trees and flower beds and swings here and there, all around it....some of your friends are on the swings, and other people you love are leaning against the trees, or weeding the flowers....and you try to yell things to them when you are going by....but you are going by so fast that you can't get all the words out......so, you try the next time, but then the special person sitting on the grass is in front of your eyes now, so you try to shout something out to them....but you're already halfway around before the first few words come out........

Then you get sick and nauseous and dizzy........and you're going so fast that everything is just a big blur.....and, even when you stop, everything is still turning and turning and turning....and you can't stand up and walk straight.....

SO, why do we do this to ourselves?
Why do we forget that WE control the speed on our merry-go-round?
Why do we forget that the merry-go-round is supposed to be fun and not terrifying?

Well, I do pretty good for long periods of time...sometimes, I just sit on the merry-go-round with someone special and we just enjoy each other, and it just sits still....and then, I gotta move to the next thing....so, I start going around, slow....to the swings....and I stop for a minute....and then I go a little faster...and faster....and faster and faster and fassssssstttterrrrrrrrr........

....and what's so danged dumb about this is I don't even notice that my hair is flying through the air and there's bugs splatting on my teeth and no one can really make out the words I'm saying because I'm going so fast.....

So....here I go again....time to slow down. Catch my bearings....let my friends and family laugh for a bit as I stumble over to them, trying to walk in a straight line....

STOP what you're doing right now and look at WHO is on the swings or sitting in the grass or weeding the flowers.....just take a minute, after you get your bearings....walk over and have a chat....call your mom or ask your son what he's thinking right now or take a walk around the block and catch up with your neighbors.....you'll be so glad you did.
Come back and report what you did...I'm going to go upstairs right now and cuddle with my husband.

Let's catch ourselves before we get too dizzy....this is supposed to be a fun ride, remember!!!
Hope you're enjoying your weekend.

Lots of Love,
Melody

Finding Heaven on Earth

I have just spent 8 days in the Wilderness!

Please do not be entirely impressed…we had electricity and plumbing and even a DVD player…we had air conditioning and a refrigerator…we did not however, have phone or internet access….what a blessing.

Spending all of this time with my family, I have had the bittersweet remembrance of what it’s like to have a life. When I got there, there was no way to reach outside civilization and no way that anyone else outside of here could reach me…all there was to do was BE…be there, be present, be happy, be a mother, be a wife, be me.

I did not wear makeup and I did not check my email every 15 minutes. I did not look up on the internet what a huckleberry looks like before and after it is fully ripe, though I tried to, out of habit. I just ate fresh huckleberry ice cream after a 30 minute drive to a high mountain town known as ‘Huckleberry Heaven” I could use my computer to write, to play music and to read old journal entries, but that was about it. I read an entire book, a lovely book, purely for entertainment…it had nothing to do with business or fitness or anything-ness…it was just a lovely book written by a lovely person, who I intend to contact to tell her just how much her book made my life so much better.

I listened to my children tell me about the dreams they’d had the night before…while we turned their beds back into a table or a sofa so that we could eat breakfast. I laughed until my sides hurt with my children and my friends and my in-laws while we played games that I never seem to have time for. I stared at my husband across the campfire while he told stories the way he used to, while he laughed and smiled and while my children looked at him like he was Superman himself. I walked alone in the forest in the mornings and listened to the choirs of birds and enjoyed the paintings that the sunlight made as it filtered through the hundreds of different kinds of trees. I listened closely when my little son told me that he could hear God’s heartbeat in the waterfall.

I have come here every year for 13 years…and, every year I am still profoundly surprised at the untouched, raw beauty of this place. We arrived first, then friends came, one carload after another…and when many of them were here, and we started on a walk down the hill to the water, I looked around at them and thought “if we get to design our own Heaven after we die, this will be mine…in this place, with these people” I realized that I was so utterly filled with bliss at that moment, enjoying the kind of beauty that only God could have made…His plants, His sky, His water, His children…

And I realized how important it is to take your most valuable things…the things that you could hardly live without…for me…my husband, my children, my creative spirit…and go to a place where you can all just BE without a single interruption. Where, every day, you pick up just those 3 things and nothing else is there to complicate or compete or dilute…and you detox from all of the other things that you have been juggling for the last year to two years or ten…or maybe it’s just been months…it’s been too long no matter how long it’s been.

Because, when you do….you will start to remember what life is all about…what matters and what doesn’t. But, especially what matters…what whispers when everything that doesn’t matter yells….what needs you to stop and listen…what needs you. What you need. And, you’ll see how very little it is, but how very very big it is…that it is really everything.

And, when you get home…you will be more careful on that first morning after you wake…you will be careful what you pick up and what you leave on the table for next time or for never…you will hold those precious things in the careful way that they deserve to be held…

And, then, as all humans do…you will begin to slip. And, it will be time again to take those things to a special place so that you can all remember again.

Where is your special place?

If you don’t have one…my hope for you is that you will find one soon….and do every single thing that it takes to get there, just in time.

I am glad to be back and can’t wait to share, over the next few days, everything that I learned in the forest.

A Successfully Juggled Saturday....well, mostly.....

Madi told me yesterday morning that she'd help me take some photos for my BLOB.....so, we decided to document the whole day...mostly....I did crash at about 4pm and had to take a nap until Marq got home..........but, here's the day...and for the most part, I got pretty much everything done that I wanted to....that doesn't usually happen......so, it was a good day!

Well, I got up on Saturday morning...alone, of course...because Marq still wasn't home, and I had crashed so hard because I was just thoroughly exhausted from traveling all week......I got up to count heads...which I do whenever I wake up...in the middle of the night, in the morning, whenever I wake up I have to go through the house and count my kid's heads....and Brock was gone too....so, I found Malary and Mitch in the living room, Max was already up and at the computer....and Madi...I couldn't find her....but, sometime after I'd told them all goodnight and tucked them in, they made a tent and migrated there or to the living room.....always the case on the weekends........Madi woke up when I took a photo of her in the tent, because I had to use the flash......she told me she'd help me take some more photos for my 'blob' and she thought it would be cool if we took pictures of everything we did all day......so, she took a shot when I went for my run....right after I got everyone up and told them the plans for the day........I would go for a run, then go pick up Brock, then we'd clean the house and the yard, go to the office and make my handouts for my class at cut-n-paste, take them to PoJo's (and indoor amusement place) go to my class, go get Father's Day stuff, get home in time for Malary to go babysit for the evening, and hopefully make it home in time to be there when Dad gets home.....

And, we did it!

I have to admit that I did not do the whole day with grace. I was very stressed....and tired still.....when I look at these pictures I can see just how tired I am.....

I had to include the photo of Madi that she took of herself when she was trying to take a photo of me teaching......they didn't really turn out, but I thought this photo of her was hilarious....

I had a blast teaching, and hope that my points came across clearly in spite of how clouded my mind was....we made a little book to remind us WHY we scrapbook, because we all know that it gets discouraging and tiresome at times...but it is SO important to keep documenting our stories! I met the most incredible women and I am SO proud of Lori for celebrating, successfully, the 2 year anniversary of her beautiful store.

I loved being with Christy, too....I always do...........she is one of the most phenomenal women I have ever known, 100% authentic. She inspires me every day.

And, when we got home, I was so happy to see Marq, and he asked me to go out on a date......so, we went and spent the KFC gift certificate he got for taking all of the area KFC managers out to the lake wakeboarding for their managers meeting (our friends own a kajillion KFC's and asked him to entertain their managers on the lake....he loves to take people to the lake), even though he can't wakeboard anymore. A KFC gift certificate? Yes, they exist....hmmmmmm.

And, we got to take our 'date car' which I love.....even though the brakes are scary.....and the windows only roll down sometimes....and it squeeks really loud when you turn corners.......Marq surprised me with this '66 Thunderbird last year on my birthday....and we take it out when we go out alone....it's lots of fun and very 'meaningful' to me.

And...when we got home, the kids had put this pile of Father's Day surprises out in the kitchen, and even put some new stuff on Marq's iPod...larry the cableguy....which, I don't care who you are, is funny...mostly.....

And, I hope that Monday is as productive. It's going to be an in-sane week, we leave for our big family vacation on Thursday....it will be interesting to see how our preparations roll out over the next 4 days, while juggling an in-sane catch-up schedule at work. We'll see!!!

Hope you had a great weekend!
Can't wait to read what's happening in your life!
melody

ps. Oh yeh, and i just HAD to show you all my very favorite pair of lime green cowboy boots......a staple if you ask me.

Nothing Really Waits

Look how much they change in just one year.

Today the gravity of juggling is hitting me hard.

I got home at bed time and unloaded my luggage from the truck and dragged it all into the house by myself…..

Usually, Marq picks me up from my trips, it is one of his big rules…to always be right there when I get off of the plane….even when he was sickest, he would try really hard to always be at the gate when I got home. I remember before his accident, he would always have a surprise for me…my favorite drink, or Wendy’s chili,…once I spotted him when I was 100 feet away or so and he was sitting there, always at the very front…as close as he could possibly be…sitting on a cooler. It made me cry and I didn’t even know what was in the cooler….just the thought that he planned something out enough to bring a cooler from home…when I got closer, and he stood up, and we hugged and he saw that I was teary-eyed…..he said, “what’s wrong?”……and I just said, “I love you.” And…..it was sugar free frozen yogurt from TCBY because he knew I was on a diet…..and it was so good.

But, today…he was taking the scouts to the mountains. I want him to live his life and he is….I don’t want him to wait until I get home to live his life…..but, I hate that life doesn’t wait around for us to be there. He called me when I was going through security to tell me his phone would be out of range….he had to leave and I had to pull all of my junk out and put it into those gray tubs….

“well, I guess I’ll see you on Saturday……”he said

“I miss you really bad this time…I am really homesick.” I said

“it’s only tomorrow…then we’ll be together.”he said

“I know…..”

And then I tried to pretend like tomorrow wasn’t that far away, like my whole family wasn’t that far away. I tried to halt the tears. And, I guess when I said that I really missed him, I really did…I miss so many things….I miss OUR life….I miss him sitting on a cooler…..

I felt bad for the guy sitting next to me…I started to read a book on the plane and it was talking about something that made a whole huge wave of sorrow wash over me….I don’t even remember what it was….it just washed through my whole body and when it went through my heart, I felt like I might just disintegrate into my seat, and my eyes spilled tears like a faucet with the handle broken on full blast…..I wanted to be home more than anything in the world.

So, I got home and walked in and my 12 year old daughter was making brownies with her friend…she squealed when she saw me “MOM!!! I thought you weren’t going to be home until midnight!” and I threw my stuff on the floor and hugged her…..and no one else was around….no big homecoming, I guess it’s business as usual….so I tracked the other kids down and they were all playing and having fun and doing things and life was just so normal and moving forward…and they all ran to me when they saw me…and they were so glad I was home…but, their lives were moving forward. Nobody waited until I got home to keep living, to keep moving on…to keep growing bigger…..

And I swear my kids were all a foot taller.

And I don’t know when my two little boys stopped being babies.
And when my daughter learned to handle a whole household…
And when my son decided that it was more fun to hang out with his friends…..

But it all happened…..it didn’t wait.

A huge reminder that it is so important to make a very conscious decision every single day as to what we pick up and juggle….because if we leave the wrong things on the table and pick up other things…..those things left on the table don’t wait………

Some things can wait.
Children don’t wait to grow……to change, to experience, to need.

Juggling is tough. I am doing my best. I do what I have to do and I get home as fast as I can…but still…..they don’t wait………they grow up and the 5 year old turns 6 and the 14 year old turns 15…..and life just keeps happening.

I am so happy to be home.
Make it Meaningful,
Mel