One week ago I was walking on the beach at the Oregon Coast. I was there with a lot of new friends and a few long time friends and through the SHHHHHHHHHHHH sound that the incoming and outgoing tide makes, washing over the shore....we talked about all of the things in life that matter to us....and we talked a LOT about all of the things in life that we somehow had stopped seeing, noticing, listening to and feeling.
I think complete honesty is sometimes so scary. Partial honesty is, of course brave...but when you let it all out....all of the scary things that the white noise of those waves give permission to....you can crack wide open. When you admit to feeling weak, jealous, angry, sad, and wounded....then big things can stat to happen. Somehow, 6am walks on the beach cracked me wide open, and I watched it happen to my dear friends too. I consider myself very honest when it comes to what I am thinking and feeling, but when there is that SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH sound coming so loud and calm, it is as if it's coming straight from Heaven....where the creator of that sound is just saying..."SHHHHHHHHHH, no more worrying.....it is going to be ok." and "SHHHHHHHHHHHHHH just quiet your mind, quiet your life, quiet yourself....SHHHHHHHHHHH.....be still." ......then you crack open and all of the beauty of who you are comes flowing out, but so does all of that other stuff. When you can look fear, sadness, grief, anger, jealousy and broken-ness in the face.....even the parts that have been cleverly hiding behind your bones for years.....you can start to live big. But it requires this very scary step of getting still for long enough to give the yucky things their exit interview, and to welcome the beautiful things as part of who you REALLY are.
Still is scary. Still is incredible. Still is real and vivid and overflowing with very personal messages. Being still comes with beautiful, needed answers that you have been long seeking....but also with old, un-dealt-with emotions, feelings and irrational beliefs that make you want to turn the noise back on so you don't have to hear that part. This is the part of being still that just might matter the most....the part that is hard, the part that makes you want to turn the crazy noise back on.
So I decided to spend a summer of being still. And, now that I am almost a week into it, I am falling in love with this peace and quiet....but I am still grieving the constancy of noise and feedback and information and validation and the very easy to validate tool of procrastination. All that is left is honesty. All that is left is me and my heartbeat and my thoughts and my feelings and my memories and my longings and my stories and my wisdom and my questions. A peace has washed through my body that is like nothing I can remember, but I am going to have to get used to it. I know I will. I know that this is what I must do. I love almost all of it, but there are parts that are hard....especially when I am all alone with all of it.
I wanted to show you some of the photos I took on this amazing weekend that cracked me open again. The wonderful thing about life is that we get cracked open when we need to.....and often under the circumstances that will be most effective. I was in the perfect place, under the perfect circumstances.
To be in a place as beautiful and comforting and quiet and lovely and safe as this, made me realize that ALL OF US must do whatever it takes to get to places like this from time to time. Even if it is only by closing our eyes and imagining these kinds of places with our precious selves wrapped in them. Places that make us feel like these pictures make me feel......places where we can just BE so that we can build up the courage to make and keep brave decisions that will propel us forward in ways that are real and lasting...that will give us the courage to make REAL progress, and sit with our truth instead of our excuses.
So here are some of the photos I took last weekend. It's amazing the little glimpses of life that you start to SEE when you are not wrapped up in the noise of life. I am still processing through all that the weekend meant to me, to my friends, to my life....who knows if I am done writing about it or not...I have a feeling that I am not. I just want to beg you to carve out some time in your life to get still. Miracles will happen....
Lots of fun posts to come. I am having a total blast during so much of this. I can't wait to share what is going on and all that is being accomplished in my little world. I wish you all this kind of new-ness, peace and clarity...with all of the beauty and difficulty and lessons that come along with all of it.