-Today I am thinking....deeply thinking. I have found myself here, in this deep-gut thinking place where I must make some important decisions that lack any easy answers.
-Today I am thinking about how happiness and optimism is a chosen lifestyle for me....and however or wherever I learned that way of living...I am thankful to my teachers.
-Today I am thinking about how NO ONE could EVER convince me that dreams can't come true.....if you believe enough....if you stand in the wind.....if you just stay on your OWN path.....NO ONE can ever tell me that this is not true for EVERYONE alive.
-Today I am thinking about how simple and good things have made their way back into my life again, and how I trust those things, and they trust me too. I am thinking that I will do anything to protect my relationship with all things simple and good.
-I am also thinking about how stark in contrast those simple and good things feel to things that are also making alarms go off in my soul...making my gut ache....making me feel restless and uncomfortable. I am thinking about how much I need to trust those feelings too.
-I am thinking today about the past, but only in gratitude. That feels new and good.
-I am thinking about how my mind is finally feeling normal again in that I have nonsense and random thoughts flowing through it all throughout the day....rather than having it consumed and overloaded with worry until there is no room for anything else.
-I am thinking and thinking and thinking about how it feels WHOLLY good to have the courage to walk away from things, situations and people who do not feel right....even though it's really scary sometimes to do so. This is a skill that I painstakingly earned and I choose to own it fully.
-Today I am thinking that thunderstorms produce the most spectucular sunsets that I have ever seen, at least in Idaho they do.
-I am also thinking about how I probably eat entirely too much peanut butter on my apple slices.
-Today I am thinking about how this life that finally feels like it fits was and IS worth every tear-stained sacrifice that it took to get here.
-I am thinking about what I can do to make sure that I never, ever forget the dark places that I had to travel through....so that I will always recognize that journey in others and show them the way out in any way that I can. So that I will always recognize those places enough to never allow myself to get sucked back into them again.
-Today I am thinking about how good love feels. All of it...the giving of love...the accepting of love....all of it.
-Today I am thinking that my husband is my truest friend.
-I am thinking about how there are incredibly good people in the world....good and pure hearts....pure intentions......and I am also thinking about how there are others who have other kinds of intentions, too.
- I am thinking about how hard it has been for me to write....even within the authentic and almost constant joy that I have felt this year....for months and months and months it has been hard to find words, and how it is finally starting to trickle in a bit......and I can feel the full-speed flow building momentum every day....and I am thankful.
- I am thinking today about how a cardboard box full of yellow flowers that my daughter and I planted along the sides of our curved sidewalk on the way to the front door of our rental house makes me feel absolute bliss and peace.
-I am thinking about how hard the wind blows every time the weather is changing. Last night it blew so hard that it woke me up. Today it started up again...with a lot of rain thrown in....a dramatic shift in the weather since last week. I am thinking about how similar it is to life....and life's transitions.
-Today I am thinking about how thankful I am for the community of artist friends I have made this year...and how I don't feel like I am such a freak anymore.....or not a freak by myself, anyway :)
-I am thinking about how much my body is changing...I am wondering when I got this old.....and I am thinking about how I am starting to really look older in spite of my efforts to do otherwise. I am trying to figure out how I feel about this.
-Today I am thinking about the same handful of friends that have always been beside me, rain or shine...family too.
- I am thinking about how I know for sure that everything is going to work out beautifully, no matter how it works out......and that everything is good for it's own reason.
-Today I am thinking that I want to write a letter to my 30 year old self, yes...going back in the past to 10 years ago.....telling her what the next 10 years will require of her, but also that she will be up the challenge....that she will make it. I want to tell her that it will be worth it when she makes it to 39 and life feels like life is only just beginning.....and not one bit of it is over.....even though she thought for sure her best years may have already been lived. I want to tell her how proud I am of her. I want to tell her that she will know joy at the end of this journey of a variety that she does not even know exists yet. I want to tell her to just trust the process...trust herself.
-I am thinking about something miraculous that happened on my last 4-day business trip...so miraculous that I documented it with my laptop camera.....you see, I packed EVERYTHING I needed into 2 small bags, small enough to carry-on....I PACKED LIGHT. I have never done that before. I am thinking about how I want to do this for the rest of my life....pack light...leave the old baggage behind.....only take what is most necessary......let the weight of all of it go and just enjoy the trip.....
Today I am thinking about how much I love my life. I love every bit of it.
xoxo
melody
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