Trusting in
Just Exactly Enough
Always, always, always…..now, yesterday, tomorrow…there is always enough….but much of the time, it is just exactly enough…..not more…..but not a bit less either.
Someone wonderful who I do not really know in person (but who I will love forever ) sent me the most beautiful, wonderful little gift….and when she said it, she said that it just spoke to her at a little antique store, and that it absolutely, positively was for me, and that she just had to get it and send it to me…and she just didn’t even know why. But she did it.
When I got it in the mail……it was this incredibly charming and lovely little bird feeder with two little birds. And, guess what…it totally spoke to me…touched my heart. I loooved it. I still love it. I sat it right next to my desk and I looked at it every day. I don’t usually do that because I already have so much work stuff on my desk…..but this little gift really touched my heart. Then one day….I figured out what it was….what the message was in it…
If I were to illustrate a bird feeder, it would be about 10 times bigger than this one….more of a birdbath? That’s what I have always seen…..one that is big enough to hold a week or a month of birdseed….that’s what my interpretation has always been and what I remember.
…..I think what I love about this one is that there is only room for ONE DAY of birdseed….just exactly enough for one day.
This great miracle has been a long time coming….a long lesson for us to learn….especially me. I have been working myself into a tizzy for years and years to store up enough of whatever to last for however long……working working working…worrying….will it be enough?
When things were pared down to nothing…….this year….it became a day to day dilemma…..it was very difficult for me……it's easy to have faith when you have what you need.....but just as the old saying goes...FAITH ISN'T FAITH UNTIL IT'S ALL YOU'RE HOLDING ON TO
One day when we had just a few dollars left, and too much of the month left…..and in between miracles…..I was worrying and worrying…..finally, after a few stubborn days…I prayed….I honestly had this little dialogue with God….went something like this……
“I am worried. We have nothing left. We have no jobs left to do right now….it will be weeks before anything will pan out…we need gas in the car….what if something happens? What are we going to do?”
I wait
I blabber more of the same….
“I am tired, too, by the way…..tired of so many years of this…….”
I wait….
And wait…
I blabber some more…
Then
Get THE STRONGEST FEELING….
Almost could HEAR the words…but KNEW the words….they came right into all of my being…
“Melody……do you have EVERYTHING you need today?”
me: “well, yes I do today…but…”
“Melody, did you have EVERYTHING you needed yesterday?”
me: “uh, yes, I sure did…”
“And Melody, did you have everything you needed a month ago, and a year ago, even though it seemed like it couldn’t be possible?”
me: “actually, yes, we did….”
“Then, trust Me, you will have everything you need tomorrow, and the next day. Just trust me. Stop worrying”
…..it was strong and real and crazy loud in my soul. I could never deny that it was the answer. And…sure enough…
….as soon as I said “OK, I TRUST YOU…I DO”
BIG, massive, HUUUUGE miracles started happening…some of them I have already written here…some I will wait a few years because they still hold a sacredness that deserves respect and reverence and it’s just not time to share. But, the more we believed, the more things happened…the more we EXPECTED miracles, because that was ALL THERE WAS LEFT THAT WAS EVEN POSSIBLE (one of the great virtues of hitting rock bottom) …the more we EXPECTED miracles, the bigger they got…the more we SAW THEM and talked about them, and thanked Heaven for them, the more they arrived…one after another after another. It is still happening.
and….some were very very small….but JUST EXACTLY ENOUGH. ALWAYS.
Enough for THAT DAY……….and no more. We had to make a choice to trust every single day….that tomorrow would be ok too. And some days have been very very difficult and terrifying…but the more we trusted…the more things happened…it was like a crazy wild ride that we couldn’t stop if we wanted to………
It has been profoundly powerful for my children to see this happen…..to experience it over and over and over again over the last months. I am certain that it is so engraved in their hearts that they will never be the same…..and for this, I would relive all of this difficulty a million times over.
When you can let go of the worry…..let go of sadness and regrets over the past….let go of expectations for the future…do your best and then TRUST………that’s all you can do each day…..do your best and then TRUST….
I can take a wild guess that YOU had everything you needed today….and yesterday….and the day before that… and I believe that you will have exactly what you need tomorrow…..
…and we will too.
And that is a very good thing. What a miracle.
Thank you Nancy….for ‘listening’ when you were prompted to send this birdfeeder that holds JUST EXACTLY ENOUGH. It will be a forever and ever a beautiful little reminder.
Xoxox
Melody Ross
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