ok....I have to admit that I cried a little today......shed a few tears....tried not to....but, I did. Little tears turned to big alligator tears and I sat and cried like a little girl whose heart was broken.
Today did not go at all like I planned....and, I actually DID plan for once in my life....I made a 30 day schedule, filled in all the little rectangles for what I was to do with my time each hour....hour by hour, day by day......because the next 30 days is just so crazy...so much to do...so little time....
.......but, today did not go according to schedule.
I was going to do a little photo shoot to tell everyone how excited I am about upcoming things.....mostly Brave Girls Club.....and my new line with Scentsy....and my new line with Michael's......but today I was going to show you some of the really beautiful things that I found over the weekend for Brave Girls Camp.....so, I set up a photo shoot in my garage....I was gonna set up some of the Brave Girl Camp messages that will be all over the lodge....like the one above, with a little tube of glue under it...see that?.....I was gonna shoot those with some of the collection of vintage dishes that we are collecting for our meals together....just a pretty little photo shoot.....which was to take 1 rectangle out of my new schedule...but ended up taking 4 tear-stained rectangles.....
Let me start by telling you about this birdie sculpture and what I went through to get it........and then, what it has taught me today......
Last week, I drove to Salt Lake City to launch a new line of products that I designed for Scentsy....they were having their amazing yearly convention, and I had the wonderful opportunity to teach how to use the products I designed and to show some of my creations....it was a fabulous adventure....I will tell more about that later...photos and all....
Sooooooo, because of my recent decisions to only take jobs that do not impede my life goals.....family-wise, personally, soul-wise, etc.......I am still quite "broke" financially..lots of stuff in the works...but I am currently in the planting season and having faith in the coming harvest....I like to say...I am in between fortunes..lol......but, every single penny is precious and watched over........I had a little bit of money for gas, a little for food.....so, I decided that if I watched what I ate over my trip.....I might have a few extra bucks if I found a treasure or two....
So....I basically ate apples, some nuts.....a few slices of deli turkey.......ate in the car.....and I went treasure hunting...
I scoured shops for treasures and when I was at a really great shop, I saw the birdie sculpture above...it was realllllly expensive (to me, anyway :) ).....the ones I saw in the front of the store also had ONE more bird than the one shown.....I knew I couldn't afford that sculpture but I really really wanted it to decorate the cabin for Brave Girls Camp......we have been collecting all sorts of fabrics, curtains, table cloths......artwork.....it's going to be incredible...I have been looking for special birdies to put all over the cabin....and I loved the "sisterhood" of this one........I just loved it....but, it was too much money....
Well.....I found LOTS of other things...beautiful little yellow dishes, flower shaped dishes......gorgeous serving dishes....great prices, so I picked them up.......then, I found the broken, damaged section.....75% off!! And, there was one of the sculptures...missing a birdie.....but everything else about it was perfect....it was still a little pricey....but, I got it and just ate less.....
Well...........
This morning, my amazing sister Kathy, my Brave Girls Club partner....she came over and we looked at all of my new treasures that I sacrificed eating for...lol...........we loved them....we ooooohed and ahhhhhhed over them....I wanted to show them to you....soooo, I set up a photo shoot
All was well....until.....the light was not quite right and I scooted the table a tiny bit to the right.....then, the legs of the table collapsed on one side....and there was nothing I could do.....I watched beautiful little yellow bowls.....several cool pots....plates....and, my birdie sculpture crash to the ground and shatter, shatter, shatter into pieces. All of that stuff that might as well have cost a million dollars because it was all I had in the world when I bought it............
So, what did I do?
Well, I have learned a little trick over time.....over lots of life experience.........
so.....I automatically used that trick....
I just stopped for a minute and tried to make a decision about how I would react to this little disaster. I just made a choice. (through tears coming)
Honestly, my heart really did break when I saw all of those pieces sitting there. I tried really hard not to cry........and I didn't cry for a while.
I looked at the pieces....they were everywhere...spread all over the place...little shards...just pieces everywhere..........but, I went inside to find some glue.
Then, I sat and glued the whole thing back together....piece by piece....with glue that required lots of time holding the pieces together before they would bond.....the longer I sat there, the harder it was not to cry...and when Marq drove up and saw me sitting in the garage surrounded by all of my broken treasures and all of their pieces....that's when I burst out into big huge tears.....I couldn't help it.
He sat down next to me....asked what he could do to help. He brought me a heat gun to make the gluing go faster...he looked for pieces.........he didn't tell me I was being ridiculous....
when he did all he could, he left me alone.......while I looked at this little bird......
I noticed this big, giant hole in her heart........for the longest time I couldn't find the pieces to fill in that hole...I looked all over the garage....and then I finally found them....I also saw that her beak was broken off............a hole in her heart and no way to voice her feelings............oh just break my heart right now!
This little birdie is the whole reason I stayed in that garage for 4 hours searching for, finding and holding pieces together until it was a whole as possible....whole with holes.....but, as few holes as possible....
I remember being this bird. I remember loving friends and family searching the world over to find the pieces...I remember having them sit beside me when I still did not have my beak.......I remember...I could never, ever forget it.......I never, ever will.
I rearranged the birds when I finished gluing them all together....I put her right under the wing of one of the birds and very cuddly close to another....in between.......so all of her raw and hurting edges were warmed and healed by a friend......on all sides...that's how life should be.........
I also remember when I finally let myself do that......one of the hardest things, ever.....to let people really really REALLLLY love you and really help you.....
I am still learning.
I looked at the sculpture.......
when I was done...
she still is missing her beak....
she still has a hole in one of her wings....
Is it all good enough to take to our retreat...I mean...it's broken??? Most of the tails of the birds have visible cracks that I glued back together.........
Then, I thought....
THIS IS WHAT IT"S ALL ABOUT...come as you are.....broken......holes in heart.......without a voice.......in pieces.........that's what this is all about.....come as you are....
I hope you understand...I do...I hope this message is for someone out there...usually is.......I hope you understand how important it is to put your wing over injured birds...and ALSO how important it is to let other birdies do this for you....instead of trying to be the maverick birdie...instead of being ashamed of your holes and your broken wings...............and broken beaks.
Friendship, sisterhood is so important......I am learning this...I am accepting this (had amazing friendship experiences on my road trip that I will never, ever forget...and that I totally needed)......and, this is really, truly what Brave Girls Club is all about.....and especially what Brave Girl Camp is all about........it's about sitting together, in whatever state of wholeness we are in........and making the most of it.......and reminding and teaching each other how to fly again......sometimes even searching for each other's pieces....or our own...sometimes letting holes be holes.....and being ok with that, too....but mostly getting to a place where we can FLY again.........and we all will fly again....we will!!!
So, my broken sculpture will most assuredly be at BGC.......it will....it will be at every camp we have...it will always be a reminder of what is whole and real and true.................and, it was worth missing a real meal, and 4 rectangles on my calendar for.....broken and all.
xooxox
melody
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