Well, I got in the car instead and went to dinner with my girlfriends....I just got back. We have all decided that I am a little nuts right now, and that I will be myself in a few days...but, you know....we all get to be a bit of headcase sometimes (at least, I like to think I am not the only one).....and, I am. I admit it.
So do you ever get totally overdone.....cooked.....to the point where you are just sort of nuts and you can not cope with things that you normally do quite beautifully with? Might be because you have been overworking because you took on 3 design jobs that all have the exact same deadline, or you have not gone out of the house or the office in way too long....or because you have been eating junk and not drinking water, or exercising....or because you let your thyroid medication run out 4 days ago and now it’s the weekend and every day you get a little more crazy and tired......not that I know anyone like that...just sayin’
Well.....if you ever do any combination of those things, your big mean questions might come out when you are all vulnerable and raw and weak...because that’s when they like to attack....but, heck....bring it on, I have been here before....you just have to face it straight on.....so......let’s get to the question....
I will now have a live dialogue with me and myself....please do not call the loony bin, I do this all the time and it seems to work out quite peachily for me and my wild mind...
WHAT IF I CAN’T DO IT???
It....you know, my life, just everything?
“what do you mean?”
Well, I just feel overwhelmed, and you know, sort of discouraged, and there’s just so much crap going on out there...the economy, people who are way ahead of where I am...there’s so much to do and not enough time....and I am getting old, and maybe my best years are over...and I keep losing and gaining this same 15 pounds, and my roots are all grown out, and my studio is a complete disaster....and I am a complete disaster...
“OH MY GOSH, SERIOUSLY, BUCK UP!!”
“I SAID, BUCK UP, SISTER, COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS!”
huh? Can’t you feel sorry for me for a second?
“Why would you want to waste 1 more minute feeling sorry for yourself? Why would you want to waste one more minute all paralyzed when you could stand up and do something about it?”
What? Like what?
“Well, what do you really want to be doing right now?”
ummm...I want to be making a plan for this week that I can get excited about, I want to take a hot bath and then watch a movie
“well, why don’t you do it then?”
because I have too much to do
“you are not doing ANYTHING, you are sitting there all stressed out and doing nothing but thinking about how stressed out you are.”
Yeh, I guess you are right, but I really should be working
“You have to have balance”
“You know I’m right”
But what if I can’t get it all done?
“What if you can?”
What do you mean?
“Why don’t you think about why you want to get this all done and what it would really mean for you? Is it even what you want? If it is, then...what is the payoff?”
Well, some of it I want to do and other stuff I’m not so sure about
“So why are you making yourself crazy trying to get impossible amounts of things done?”
because I am nervous and scared about the future
“Why? Haven’t you always been taken care of? Haven’t things always worked out?”
“Why would things not work out now?”
I guess they always will. They always have.
“So, what are you going to do with the rest of your night?”
I am going to sit down and make a plan for the next week, then I am going to breathe, and take a bath, and then I am going to watch a movie and let myself take a break. All I can do is all I can do.
But, still, what if I can’t do it all?
“Then you can’t, all you can do is give it your best and enjoy it while you are doing it...make a plan and then just live in the NOW, stop worrying so much about the future, just do your best and breathe through it...take breaks, enjoy your life.”
Ok, I will try.
“Ok, are you going to stop asking that question now?”
yes, for now.
I will for this moment....and I will put it into my plan to stop asking.
“Good Idea...now go take a bath.”
Ok....I will, goodnight.
me, myself and I