Yesterday morning I woke up to a phonecall from one of my two best friends from High School....she wanted to come out and visit because our other best friend was in town....and because here I am...living practically across the street from our old High School....living here in this tiny little town that I SWORE I'd never come back to....because I had BIG PLANS....and, sheesh...what big plans can you accomplish from population 500?
BUT....she went on to tell me, in a pretty devastated way, that her husband had just been part of the "workforce reduction plan"....that even after SO MANY YEARS at the same company, doing an incredible job....he got laid-off. She told me about the dream house they were about to build.....the school her kids were going to that she loved...the church they had been at for so many years with the congregation that they loved so much.....the BIG PLANS they made that were up in the air now.....
And believe me....I know her....we've been friends for more than 20 years....her plans have been careful, calculated, smart, responsible, dedicated, efficient & she had her husband have stuck to them without wavering....we've talked a million times about she doesn't like risk....she wants to know what to plan on....and they built a life that was so very very predictable and secure and safe....and beautiful....
....and she told me how COMFORTABLE their life was....how carefully they had planned it and how everything was going according to plans....
....and suddenly now.....life is up in the air.
.....and she just kept saying "but we had plans...." Oh, man...I felt for her, but there was a big part of me that felt so excited for her......because I know, sort of, how this works.....
Now, you have to understand that until I released my podcast last week, I had not told most people what our family is going through.....so, I didn't tell Bree until she got here last night that we don't own Chatterbox anymore....that we just lost most of our material possessions.....that all of our BIG PLANS, and everything that we worked so hard for was gone......(but funny how she kept commenting on how happy we seemed, how peaceful) ......
......so the three of us sat here in my new little Melba house....with our kids running around everywhere....talking about BIG PLANS...and laughing, A LOT....I mean, what else can you do?
I told her that my first hint of her situation was when she said they were so COMFORTABLE.....oh man, wow....watch out for that one. Here's what I have learned.....God WANTS us to be comfortable, to be happy, but what He wants even more for us is for us to grow....to learn....to progress.....to become stronger and stronger and stronger....He wants so much more for us than what we would ever voluntarily put ourselves through....it reminds me so much of when I had a personal trainer and he would increase my weights every few months....I would just get to a point where it didn't burn like *#*&#^ to do a million reps with 10 pound weights and he would hand me 15 pound weights......he told me that I wouldn't keep having progress unless I kept giving myself enough resistance to shock my muscles...that they were too comfortable.....and I can tell you that it made me mad at the time, because I worked so hard to get to a place where it was EASY!!!! But I can also tell you that I am so thankful for all of the muscle that I built...I know I would not have made it through all of the stress and hell of the last few years without the strength and health that I had worked for in my body.......
.....and that's really what God does to us. It's a good thing....really, it is.
She asked me, she asked Kim.....our other best friend.....who has also been through all sorts of soul muscle building exercises....she asked us both if we'd change anything about how life turned out....and, we both sat for just a few seconds and said "no"....
....and it was really cool....because I hadn't thought about that for a while....but really, even with all of the difficulty and pain that has been a result of the growth exercises, and the mistakes and the turns in the road, I would honestly be afraid to go back and change any of it......because of where it brought us to.....and what goes on in my heart and in my mind.....the things that I KNOW....that I could not KNOW for sure without having traveled this path.....
....and I told her that she would be so surprised at what would happen because of this involuntary change in plans....and I really believe that....that life is almost always a big surprise, and if you wait it out long enough, and especially if you recognize God in every second of it....that it is almost always a pleasant surprise.....
Because YES WE HAVE PLANS!!! Like my plan to not marry til I am 30....to live in NYC and only ever have 2 children.....and a million other ones that I could write about for the next 24 hours......
....but, I'll remind us once more through one of my favorite quotes by C.S. Lewis that we sell ourselves short....that even our best calculated plans are not even close to what God has planned for us....and His ways are mysterious and wild.....they seem so awful sometimes.....because sometimes He has to do some demolition on us before He can do the big renovation.....
"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what he is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently he starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is the He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of---throwing out a new wing here, putting an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come in and live in it Himself.
-C.S. Lewis
Please hang in there if the wrecking ball is having it's way on your life....it's all exciting really....if you can get past the pain of losing what was there. I am currently looking at a pile of rubble...but building up the courage to get excited about the hammering that I can distantly hear through the cloud of dust....knowing FOR SURE that it's all getting framed....and there's nothing I can do but wait to see what form this palace might take.....
I love you all.....
while looking for that CS Lewis quote....I found this little collection....Gosh, too good not to share....all by CS Lewis...can't wait to meet him in Heaven.
~"When I lay these questions before God,I get no answers.But a rather special sort of "no answer." It is not the locked gaze.It is more like a silent, certainly no uncompassionate gaze.As though he shook his head not in refusal but in waving he question. Like, "Peace child, do you not understand."
~"Anger is the fluid love bleeds when you cut it." (this is my favorite one, it is so true!)
~"You never know how much you really believe in anything until it's truth or falsehood becomes a matter of life or death to you."
~"Aim to Heavan and you will get earth thrown in. Aim to earth and you will get neither."
~"It is only our bad temper that we put down to being tired or worried or hungry.We put our good temper down to ourself."
~"The first step to humility is to realize one is proud."
~"To love at all is to be vulnerable.Love anything and your heart will certaintly be wrung and possibly be broken...(but)the only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangfers of and perturbatios of love is Hell."
~"Love..does not mean an emotion.It is a state not of the feelings but of the will;that state of the will we have naturally about ourselves, and must learn to have about other people."
~"Crying is all right in its way while it lasts. But you have to stop sooner or later, and then you still have to decide what to do." (love this!)
~"What we learn from experience depends on the kind of philosophy we bring to experience."
Have an awesome day....check for our next podcast soon!
Melody
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